June 22nd, 2004

Most of the time I blog about somewhat entertaining yet meaningless things, and it’s usually because there’s something else burning inside of me, just not yet ready to be released. If you scroll through my posts you’ll see they are like fireworks popping off… But then there’s the occasional bomb. Well, I’ve got one that’s ready to drop.

I’ve been thinking back on the most painful moments of my life, most of which involve some sort of abandonment by those who proclaim undying love. And I realized that there’s another level; something that bothers me even more than the loss. There’s a second denominator that eats away at me, and makes it even harder to heal… being misunderstood.

Words cannot describe the frustration of having your words, actions, and intentions misconstrued. My mind understands that the way others interpret me has more to do with who they are, and little to do with me – but my heart, my stupid heart, it aches to be understood. It hates being lied about. It screams for the truth to be known and believed.

Jesus knows what I’m talking about. He ended many lessons by saying, “For him who has ears to hear, let him hear.” Because he recognized that you can lay out the truth but some will only see lies. They will call pure love pure evil, just showing you who they are.

I can hear Blake saying, “It’s not about you, baby. Don’t take it personally.” And he’s right. I consciously agree, but deep down I’m sobbing. Because it means that nobody knows me, and that there’s nobody like me… and I feel so foreign and alone. I never had the opportunity to share because they never had ears to hear.

Entry Filed under: The Black Hole