December 23rd, 2004
For those of you going away for the holidays, might I suggest leaving a fun voicemail message back home for all of the well-wishers to enjoy as they leave season’s greetings on your answering machine.
We aren’t in at the moment, if you are trying to sell us something please start speaking now and hang up at the beep. Everyone else start speaking at the beep and hang up when you’ve finished.
Being reincarnated as an answering machine is the pits. Keep your karma clean by leaving your name, number, message, and the time that you called.
Hi, you have reached the Borg collective. Please leave your name and star system and we’ll assimilate you as soon as we can.
Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.
You are dazed, bewildered, trapped in a world with no time, where color collides with sound, and shadows explode. You see a sign up ahead. This is no ordinary answering device: This is “The Twilight Phone”
Hi. I’m probably home, I’m just avoiding someone I don’t like. Leave me a message, and if I don’t call back, it’s you.
This is you-know-who. We are you-know-where. Leave your you-know-what you-know-when.
I’m writing the definitive work on pain. I would like you to tell me how this machine makes you feel. Remember, be honest. This is for posterity.
[Klingon] ANSWERING MACHINE. SPEAK.
Alpha Centauri Space Station. Commander Aurorealis can’t come to the phone right now. She’s either saving the universe from some dread, unnamed peril, or perhaps taking a nap. Leave your name and number after the beep and she will return your call.
Suicide Hotline… Please hold….
Prepare for alpha test of Beep Software revision 2.05. Counting down to test: 5…4…3…2…1…
[Voice 1] Answer the phone, please, Hal.
[Voice 2] I’m sorry, Dave, I can’t do that.
We’re sorry. You have reached an imaginary number. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again.
This is a test. This is a test of the Answering Machine Broadcast System. This is only a test.
Thank you for calling Santa’s workshop. Santa can’t come to the phone right now, and the elves are out back barbecuing Blitzen. After the tone, please leave your Christmas list, and maybe we’ll get back to you!
Entry Filed under: One Of The Guys
6 Comments
1.
Kelly | December 23rd, 2004 at 1:02 pm
Haha. Classic. Poor Blitzen.
2.
Lisa | December 23rd, 2004 at 1:07 pm
This is the first time I’ve run into you via Blogexplosion. Now I feel like I’m stalking you.
3.
Lewis Moten | December 23rd, 2004 at 6:45 pm
I like the one about being home and avoiding someone. It seems that this is happening at my house all the time.
4.
heroinegirl | December 23rd, 2004 at 6:47 pm
Merry Xmas darling , thank you so much for your support of Heroinegirl this year and I hope you have a lovely time with your family.
Hope the hubbie lets you keep blogging as your blog is one of my favorites !!!
*mwhaa*
Happy Holidays
Heroinegirl
XXXXXX
5.
Crystal | December 23rd, 2004 at 7:53 pm
Very very clever….How we all have missed out over the years when you had to leave these thoughts bottled up inside instead of sharing with the rest of the world!
6.
Jenny | December 23rd, 2004 at 11:09 pm
lol. those are cute.