7 comments March 14th, 2005

A cool new animated flick named Robots came out this weekend (from the creators of Ice Age) and already the internet fun has started:
Click the image up above to vote for the best dance scene,
Napoleon Dynamite – GOSH! – or Fender from Robots.

Then click here to see my pick…

4 comments March 13th, 2005

>What a waste of an otherwise perfectly beautiful weekend…

8 comments March 12th, 2005

After watching every episode of the new Battlestar Galactica series
I’ve learned a thing or two, and will now share a few observations:

1. Robots are horny as hell all the time.
2. Humans only want sex if it’s with a robot.
3. Robot legs can shield you from a nuclear blast.

Yep, I’m ready for the future… Thanks SciFi!

7 comments March 11th, 2005

In all honesty, I do not know how guys carry that thing around all day. Girls have a whole heck of a lot of crap to put up with, but I must say… When it comes to genitals, forgive me for the saying, I think men got the short end of the stick.

Closest comparison we’ve got are breasts, and we’re smart enough to strap the puppies in. Guys live to let their cash-and-prizes swing free! There’s all kinds of adjustment going on. I’m glad I don’t have to worry about the proper positioning of my goods all the time.

I’d never make it as a dude… I couldn’t hang.

9 comments March 10th, 2005

The revered 8ZERO8 makes a good point:
“Wait… Didn’t we just hear a story about you being in marching band? You were both?”

While it’s true that band geeks and cheerleaders don’t often mix, least of all in the same human… I’m living proof that it’s not impossible.

If you’ve been lurking for any length of time you should be familiar with not only my Rose Bowl arrest, but also this sad tale. It’s only when you combine the two that you come up with Cheerleading, through an equation that looks a little something like this…

Rule number one of band geekdom is “STEALTH” …And getting arrested in the middle of the opening show at the homecoming game is probably the most flagrant violation you could imagine. Therefore, there was no facing the music-ians after that incident.

Now about the other event… Eventually I confided in my only remaining friend at the time, Julie. She was to be my “last straw” when it comes to female friends. After all the bad experiences I’d had with women, I pretty much gave up trying after this.

She developed a mad crush on my rapist. At the time I was confused and hurt by her response, but now I understand. The birds of a feather theory once again holds true, as (much like my mother) Julie’s father was a violent, abusive jerk.

Let’s review…

Nobody who whines about being raped by the High School stud ends up popular, so I retreated to the world of band and orchestra. Then I got screwed out of band by my mother. Out of options, luckily I was a Junior, and all I had to do was stick it out one more year.

It was the bravest stupid thing I did that year: I walked up to the group of black girls manning the pep squad sign-up table at my ghetto high school and applied for Varsity Cheer. It was to become my way of letting all the hypocrites and assholes know they didn’t win.

For those of you who have seen the movie “Bring it On” – We were the original, unsanitized version of those Compton cheerleaders. Try-outs were a bitch, the girls on the squad were cruel, but I had an edge… Unlike the other token white girls trying out, I could dance.

During a four-year stint I managed to morph from social butterfly, to rape victim, to band geek, to outcast, and then finally to a cheerleader. Looking back, I could have picked a worse direction, like drugs perhaps. I’m glad I had the strength to lift my middle fingers up high and cheer.

6 comments March 9th, 2005

The other day I got called out: A virtual stranger pegged me as a recovering cheerleader. I guess no matter how many twelve-step spirit finger recovery meetings you attend… You can pack up the uniform, but the cheery optimism is forever.

They may not market cheerleading as a way to develop fake happiness that can fool most people into thinking you’re chipper when you’re a step away from murder, but they really should. I’d like to see some Goth chicks working their anger out in the form of a cheer.

So anyway, while waiting for that board meeting to start I went around introducing some fresh meat. Maybe I went a little overboard on the enthusiasm or something, because a member of our Board of Directors turned to me with a big fat grin and said wryly:

“What was it… Cheerleader, songleader… What?”
B U S T E D !   V A R S I T Y   C H E E R

8 comments March 8th, 2005

Build your own comic book superhero!
C L I C K   H E R E

4 comments March 6th, 2005