April 21st, 2005
After a few years of marriage I have yet to commit to the “comingling of funds” concept. We each still have the same checking accounts we were using before we tied the knot. Even the concept of adding eachother as joints never really came up.
But then there’s days like today, where nearly three thousand dollars in bills came due, and it would have been nice to have room to breathe.
The main reason we never combined assets was because my husband has another family, from years before we met. I suppose that changes the rules a bit. People have such horror stories about crazy exes, that I see the wisdom in keeping funds separate. For example…
Just for the sake of financial safety you have to keep one “safety net” account secret, because at any given time the mother of the children could freak out and lie to the District Attorney, claiming child support was in arrears. The DA would sieze all our liquid assets, pay the lady, and ask questions later.
Sound like a raw deal? It gets even better: They’ll arrest you, too.
Then magically, with no money left in the bank, you’re supposed to make bail, hire a lawyer, and put your case together to prove that you had paid in accordance with the legal agreement. Then, if you get that far, and the courts agree, you may get an apology… Nothing more.
Meanwhile, that angry lying ex has been partying it up in Vegas with her new cokehead boyfriend, spending everything you’ve got left after already paying child support. Nobody’s gonna help you get that money back either. And did I mention that you still have to pay as usual?
You can’t collect the money she owes you by deducting it, even in monthly installments, from subsequent child support payments… “The children would suffer.” But nobody cares about their suffering as she blows that child support on herself while the kids starve.
Let me tell you, after hearing stories like this from other men and women, I dropped the idea of blending our assets like a “normal” married couple. Life is scary enough as it is, you don’t need fiscal disaster looming over your head at all times.
Somehow this turned into another one of my rants, so while I’m at it: The child support and welfare systems in the state of California are a screaming joke! We’re supposed to be so liberal and progressive, yet we have some of the most antiquated family law on the books.
What was all that equal rights stuff all about with regard to women? From the looks of how they handle things in family court, you’d think it meant “I have a uterus and therefore I deserve it ALL and you can kiss my fat lazy ass” – because I’m not seeing any equality happening.
Nowhere does the law take into account all the biznitches out there having babies for a damn paycheck. Need a raise? Get knocked up again, and make sure your “baby-daddy” makes a fat grip. Tell him you’re on the pill… That one always works!
I swear to you, if I had been born with a silver spoon in my mouth, I’d have gone to law school and I’d be fighting for true equality right now.
Entry Filed under: Carrie's Rants
14 Comments
1.
KangaMini | April 21st, 2005 at 4:56 pm
I understand your concerns with the crazy ex’s just lying and throwing poo into the fan. With no first hand knowledge, I am guessing that there are far fewer cases of that than there are fathers who simply don’t pay child support. I know MANY women whose baby-daddies simply stop working so that they don’t have to pay child support. No income, no ability to pay. Some are owed 35-60,000 in back child support. These are good women who work their 40 hours a week at a shitty $8.15/hr job and are trying to raise two kids. I think the whole system is fucked personally. Glad my parents never got divorced!
2.
Stepmonster | April 21st, 2005 at 4:57 pm
NC is even more screwed. I don’t get child support… Haven’t EVER. If my poor husband is the slightest bit late they send the police out with a summons. I just don’t get it. NC will let a man go years without paying, but will ride another man’s ass when he’s paid all along… Just doesn’t make any sense.
3.
Lewis Moten | April 21st, 2005 at 7:51 pm
I don’t have an ex or kids, but I have seen a friend of mine get a very short end of the stick with a woman who would constantly disrespect the court. Crazy …
4.
Christina | April 21st, 2005 at 9:15 pm
Craziness. The system is super fucked up, but that’s probably for a reason, being all the messed up people out there. Everyone thinks the system is unfair to them, it seems!
That said, I’m not in favor of blending assets either. I just like having my own money and having complete control over my shit, it would feel weird to blend assets. Then again I am not married, so…
5.
Scott | April 22nd, 2005 at 6:10 am
My (current) wife & I kept seperate accounts for the longest time and just had the “bills” come out of a joint account. Recently we’ve had to switch that for the same reason you did – breathing room!
I can also see the safety net is necessary though. I’ve seen some nasty things come across with child support cases. I believe you are doing the smart thing!
6.
Lisa | April 22nd, 2005 at 6:12 am
Regarding the blending of assets. I never did that with the ex. We had two completely different ideas of how to keep track of our finances and it would have driven me crazy.
Regarding the divorce. I’ve known people on both sides… women who never get their support and bitch wives who’ll do anything to screw over their ex. However, I have definitely known more of the moms who get the shaft than vice versa… and the exes just go around banging other women and getting them knocked up without ever considering the welfare of their children. Tis a messed up world indeed.
7.
Master Foley | April 22nd, 2005 at 6:15 am
Man, that is scary.
8.
Aurora | April 22nd, 2005 at 8:34 am
My husband wasn’t married to her, and begged his ex not to go through with it when she became pregnant. Men have no say in these matters, as you know. I can understand married women who have children expecting the benefit of a husband’s income for the purpose of raising children. For them, I see that child support is fair and should be mandated.
But when I see so many women purposefully getting knocked up without a committment, then I start to get a little upset. As a woman, I can’t imagine asking someone to support a child for 18 years when it was my decision to have sex with the guy and to keep the baby. I don’t think it’s fair to force child support under those circumstances.
There are indeed plenty of dishonorable men who give their kids the shaft by skipping out. I’d just like to see something done about a system that encourages women to get pregnant if they’re not happy with the wage they’re getting at WalMart. So many selfish women see it as a win-win: unconditional love of a child, and an extra paycheck.
Also, I think part of the reason we “hear more” about the women’s side is because they’re a vocal bunch. My husband got screwed in his child support settlement, but I’ve never heard him complain about it. He sucks it up, pays up early, and loves & cares for his kids even though he didn’t choose to be a father.
9.
Nanc' | April 22nd, 2005 at 10:19 am
My husband and I have been married nearly 20 years and we have ALWAYS had separate accounts. Money is one of the few things we’ve never fought about. As for unwanted pregnancies, if I were male, I’d never believe a woman who said she was on the pill, couldn’t have kids, had her tubes tied, etc. I’d use a condom every time and I’d be checking into that new birth control pill for men that’s due out soon and as a female, I wouldn’t believe him when he says he’s on it either. Ya gotta protect yourself!
10.
RobinP | April 23rd, 2005 at 4:06 pm
Oh, so you know my sister’s boyfriend’s ex-wife? This sounds very familiar. I understand the kids need to be cared for but when the ex-husband is nearly broke from child support, there needs to be some type of amendment. Everyone has to live and no one should be bled dry financially!
11.
Rue | April 25th, 2005 at 8:11 am
I have an issue with some of the child support laws. Bleh. My dear honey pays out the ying yang and because of the cost of living where the ex lives she could basically live off of the child support alone from month to month. That’s scary. As far as blending money… we’ve already decided that we’ll be blending ours. It just makes sense. Not to mention we won’t do a pre-nuptial agreement. Seems like you’re jinxing the marriage right off the bat. That’s just me though and neither one of us has huge amounts of money to protect so… take it for what it’s worth.
12.
Lot's Wife | April 26th, 2005 at 7:44 am
You’ve just narrated my husband and my experience for the past six years down to a tee. His ex expects us to pay for EVERYTHING!!! Including her new kids from her new husband.
Add to that an ex who refuses us even one minute extra time with his daughter. His daughter is 12 now and asks on her own if she can stay over once in a while only to get denied. And we live 10 blocks away!
I can’t wait for the support nonsense to be over.
13.
Keith of R.Electrons | April 27th, 2005 at 9:16 pm
My wife insisted years ago (in a not-so-nice-way) to mingle funds.
Then she insisted (in a not-so-nice-way) that she was going to do the bills.
Then she decided (in a way not-as-bad-as-before-but-still-not-so-nice) to dump the bills back on me.
Now she is working at a new career and bringing in a decent amount. Now she has her own ‘business’ accounts. And of course her tips are loose money for eating from resturants as much as she wants. But on a week when the household account is about to overdraft, I tell her she shouldn’t buy a piece of business equpment she doesn’t really need – she informs me in front of a friend that it is her money to do with as she wants.
Gah – don’t get me started.
On a lighter note – come play if you dare: http://kah731.blogspot.com/2005/04/if-i-could-be-meme.html
14.
Angie | January 19th, 2006 at 8:26 am
Can ex’s sieze your assets (like a house or car, etc) for more child support? or is it only 17% of your pay? Desperately need answer.