Atomic Bombshell

Road Rage

April 29th, 2005

Here is a list of modifications that I’m planning to make to my stock 2005 Acura TSX in order to improve my ability to navigate the treacherous highways of Southern California:

120mm smoothbore cannon, front left fender

50 caliber machine gun, front right fender

MLRS rocket launcher, roof of vehicle

Firefinder radar, trunk compartment

Integrated fire control system

Rear-facing missiles

I’m not surprised road rage is on the rise again in Los Angeles. We seem to go through cycles where drivers grow increasingly rude and aggressive until violence begins, then there’s a period of paranoid courtesy until fears fade into memory… Lather, rinse, repeat.

My brother is learning how to drive, so as we’re carpooling together to work and paying close attention to driving behavior. So many drivers are self-absorbed and have no idea when they screw over motorists around them. But they’re not as bad as deliberate jerks.

One of the most obscure conclusions we’ve made is: People who drive big black trucks and SUVs are flaming assholes. Don’t know if this is a local phenomenon or what. If you own one, I’m tempted to say maybe it’s everyone but you so that I don’t hurt your feelings… But guess what? It’s you, too.

I kid you not, eight times out of ten when we’re trying to change lanes and someone swoops up to prevent it, or when we’re trying to exit the carpool lane and nobody will let us out, or when we’re trying to take an offramp and someone cuts in front of us… It’s a black truck or SUV.

Maybe it has something to do with the psychological composition of people attracted to that kind of vehicle. After all, who knows better than a Marketing Girl that a person’s decision about which make, model, and color they buy are largely based on their sense of self.

Can anyone else back up our theory?

Entry Filed under: One Of The Guys


  • 1. Chaos-Girl  |  April 29th, 2005 at 3:56 pm

    Hey! I drive a big black suv! But…..I don’t really have a choice. I need at least 6 seats for my own family.

    It’s funny that you say “black”. This is my first black car after five white ones in a row.

    I’m not mean on the freeways. Okay sometimes, but only if I’m in a really bad mood 😉

  • 2. Christina  |  April 29th, 2005 at 7:22 pm

    You are right, black suv/truck drivers are assholes. Witness Luke on the OC! What pisses me off are people in white SUVs and Vans too, because they always are playing a dvd for the kids in the back, you can see this through their back window, and I’m thinking, “Seriously, they have to watch tv on the way home from school?”

  • 3. Yvonne  |  April 29th, 2005 at 7:39 pm


  • 4. Lewis Moten  |  April 29th, 2005 at 9:08 pm

    I have problems with those SUV’s too. I’m trying to get into my lane today to exit and this black SUV merges into my lane from behind me, speeds past, and then gets back in his original lane. I hate these guys.

    I also think that the car companies should be required to install turn signals on these vehicles. I haven’t seen any of them use it yet, so I can only assume they don’t exist.

  • 5. GirlPunch  |  April 30th, 2005 at 1:04 am

    The last time I saw something like that I was in Bosnia.

  • 6. Neb  |  April 30th, 2005 at 4:24 pm

    Maybe it’s not the trucks/SUVs, but that the people driving them don’t really need them. Does that make sense? We have a monster F-350 crew cab…but it’s because we pull two horses and a crew of folks on a regular basis. For just bipping around we have much smaller vehicles. Here’s the reverse phenomenon: little econo-boxes trying to force our monster truck off the road! Are they really that stupid? Usually I notice that they are on the phone and just not paying any attention to the world around them. It’s nuts.

  • 7. Ryan Scott  |  May 1st, 2005 at 1:59 pm

    I want a car like that, I bet if I didn’t have so much road rage my blood pressure would be normal almost all the time…

  • 8. Easy  |  May 4th, 2005 at 2:57 pm

    You are %100 correct. And the commenter who says they need 6 seats is just trying to justify their decision. There are several much more reasonable vehicles that will carry 6 or more people.

  • 9. RagDoll  |  May 4th, 2005 at 6:35 pm

    I’ll take driving in SoCal any day over drving up here in crazyland aka NorCal. I’m glad your blog is back. Damn the spam robots to Hades.

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