Archive for May, 2005
Normally I like ‘em pumped up & dumb as rocks, but Vin Diesel is the exception. The special brand he’s sporting belongs on the short bus, not in movies. Don’t know why chicks dig him… When did being a victim of fetal alcohol syndrome turn sexy?
Guess I’m not the only one perplexed by his fame. A smartie named Ian created a site that generates random “facts” about good ole Vinnie, the Random Vin Diesel Fact Generator. Visit, or read on for my picks…
Vin Diesel does not actually run on diesel. He actually runs on a high octane fuel which is made by mixing environmentally friendly LPG with the souls of the damned.
The classic pirate skull and crossbones symbol was modeled directly off of one of Vin Diesel’s x-rays.
Vin Diesel invented the Accordion, but it was originally meant to be, solely, a murder weapon. It wasnt until 1913 that it began being used as an instrument. Vin has accepted this and has no bitter feelings towards the French.
What Joan of Arc didnt know was that she was actually hearing Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel once fed a starving Kenyan child by lactating through his belly button.
In fine print at on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Vin Diesel, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.
Vin Diesel has a fever… and the only prescription is more cowbell.
Most people don’t know this, but the bible actually ends with Vin Diesel showing up at the crucifixion with a pair of Uzi’s and kicking some Roman ass. Vin Diesel was all like, “Jesus, I totally saved you.” Then, off on the horizon, a bunch of Romans show up riding dinosaurs led by Mecha Pontious Pilate. Jesus busts out this sweet ninja sword and says, “Now it’s my turn to save you.” Then Jesus and Vin Diesel run towards the Romans in slow motion. That’s how the bible ends. It’s a cliff-hanger. I can’t wait for the sequel, “The Bible 2: Water Into Blood”
May 12th, 2005
“Just when I thought that I was out, they pull me back in.”
Although I successfully resisted the allure of World of Warcraft and somehow managed not to hook the Xbox “Live” …It looks like Guild Wars might do me in. Maybe if the characters and environments didn’t look so darn badass I’d have a fighting chance, but alas…
So, are any of you playing this game? I beg you to tell me it sucks great big donkey balls. Lie if you have to. Give me hope for a normal life! Well… that or like, leave me some hot tips & tricks for newbie game play, because who are we kidding here… I’ll give it a try.
May 11th, 2005
THIS WEEK’S TOPIC: THINGS TO DO THIS SUMMER
1. Absolutely terrorize Raging Waters
2. Relieve retailers of pretty dresses
3. Take the stepdaughters camping
4. Expand a vast bikini collection
5. Begin a stained glass project
6. Try the new shooting range
7. See summer blockbusters
8. Hit the beach at sundown
9. Avoid a drive from hell
10. Throw some of these
What are your big plans for summer?
May 10th, 2005
Chances are, if you read this blog on a regular basis you’re already a fan of Bash.org. In fact, I can’t believe this is my first time giving props to one of my hands-down favorite destinations on the web… It’s my kind of foul, retarded humor.
For both of the non-geeks surfing in for the first time, allow me to enlighten you: Bash.org is an Internet Relay Chat quote database, where geeks like me submit text captures of hilarious things that other freaks have said in chatrooms online.
Take a look at a few captures that make me laugh…
[OwnerDemon] Subliminal (kill) messaging (your) is (parents) awesome!
[Beeth] Girls are like internet domain names, the ones I like are already taken.
[honx] well, you can stil get one from a strange country 
[RobbiePaul] I’m going to work on an econ paper which states that walmart has hurt america, but not the way most people think
[RobbiePaul] i say by keeping prices low, people that shouldn’t survive are able to
[Sprint_DSL] Are you still living in the wang of the US?
[POPOON] Your mother is.
[Sprint_DSL] Oh.
[Sprint_DSL] That would have been good like, 10 years ago.
[POPOON] Your mother was.
FuzzyCrare: i’m in love with a video game character
Macross86: that’s sad, pathetic, and completely understandable
[mage] what should I give sister for unzipping?
[Kevyn] Um. Ten bucks?
[mage] no I mean like, WinZip?
[skrike] I think the ppl above me are having sex
[skrike] either that or they’re sleeping restlessly and agreeing with each other a lot.
WallJam7: roses are red
WallJam7: violets are blue
WallJam7: all of my base
WallJam7: are belong to you
[@redfox] just found out my sisters been in labour for 7 hours
[@bovineaux] omg ur gonna be a daddy!
[MasterG] …………………………………
[judas] where’s pacman when you need him?
[MortalKombat] stfu mat|t u cu.nt
*Acaila sets mode: +b MortalKombat!*@*
[@Acaila] FINISH HIM
[mat|t] rofl
[MortalKombat] omg wtf man
*MortalKombat was kicked by Acaila (forward, forward, back, back, forward, punch)
[@Acaila] FATALITY!
[TFH] I’m going to start a band called Dial Up, and we are only going to play slow songs.
[insanity] “Before the internet, the village idiot would stay in his own village.”
[R-66Y] 1280×1024 at 60hz hurts my eyes
[raygun] hmm
[raygun] it Hz your eyes
[raygun] SNORT SNORT
May 9th, 2005
Fess up… I can’t be the only one dreading Mother’s Day
A few times each year I suck it up and do something nice for my good old Tormentor, but Mother’s Day is the most difficult. The hypocracy of pretending to be happy that she’s my mother makes me want to retch. Being “nice” is such an insipid goal when compared to being honest.
Yet the thought of her moping around at church on Sunday – crying about how her children are so mean, receiving sympathy from people unfamiliar with the horrors she committed – for years made me angry enough to break my standards of personal integrity…
But this year I’ll tell her, “I don’t know of any child who can avoid loving their mother, but I don’t have to celebrate being born to my abuser. I can accept it, but the only things worth celebrating are the victories my brother and I have achieved despite your best efforts to destroy us.”
To those of you who grew up in homes with even marginally attentive mothers, I’m sure that sounds cruel. To those of you who understand, I’m sorry if you shared in any of these: physical & emotional abuse, neglect, and worse yet, the inevitable denials that any of it happened.
On Mother’s Day I’ll be celebrating the lives of mothers out there doing right by their children. I’ll lift you up in my heart for doing what should come naturally – Loving your kids. I live on the other side, painfully aware of the grave importance of what you do.
May 6th, 2005
As much as I’d like to pretend there’s a loophole for the sake of all the busy ladies out there who just don’t want to bother with that one extra chore, I’m afraid that with all the fantastic styling products at our disposal, there just isn’t any excuse for bad hair.
In a similar fashion to my lip gloss exposé, I’ve done the legwork and recruited an all-star lineup. There’s no need to drop all kinds of cash on trial and error at the beauty supply store – I’ve already been there and back. Here’s your key to fabulous, sexy hair…
I’ll begin with a disclaimer: Curly, straight, long, short… We’ve all got different tastes and different strands of DNA to work with. Given that, I’ve tried to put together a list of high-performance items that should work well for most people. Enjoy!
All hail the Elchim, the cornerstone of gorgeous hair. I’ve burned out dozens of blowdryers, but this one (knock on wood) has put up with my incessant abuse for years now. It’s the same kind my stylist uses, and I can see why… It’s worth every penny. Feel the power!
That blowdryer does fine on its own, but it’s nearly unstoppable with the right round brush. Enter the Scunci CushonAir Thermal. Vented to dry quickly without damaging or over-flattening your hair, it gives you just enough grip to style smooth. I’ve tried more expensive boar and/or nylon brushes, but this one beats them all by saving time and money.
Start with the right foundation. Clean hair is good, but conditioned hair is better. My favorite for straight styles is Joico’s Silk Result line. Their shampoo and conditioner for fine/normal hair and the straight smoother are wonderfully nourishing, gentle, and effective… Lives up to their promise of making your hair feel like silk.
If you need a little extra help with volume at your roots, pick up a tall can of Redken Guts volume spray foam. If the name alone isn’t enough to lure you in, the fact that you simply aim the aerosol mousse wherever you like without getting your hands dirty should be the clincher. Lasts invisibly until your next shampoo.
They say shampoo burnout is a myth, but that hasn’t been my experience. I like to mix it up, especially when I’m planning to wear it wavy. That’s when I break out the Garnier Fructis Fortifying – It’s cheap and it works. I’m starting to believe their claims about reducing breakage by up to 70%.
Transform frizzy waves into gorgeous curls with John Frieda products: For that “I just got back from the beach” look, try Ocean Waves or… for soft, full, amazing hair without any added weight, pick up my secret weapon, Dream Curls. For heaven’s sake, you’ve got to take a break from heat styling sometimes!
Know of any other amazing hair products? Let me know!
May 5th, 2005
Saw the movie its first night in theatres last Friday and I gotta say, it was more like an adaptation of the Cliff’s Notes for the Douglas Adams novel, but it was fun, especially seeing Marvin the manically depressed robot brought to life onscreen.
What made the event complete was being surrounded by fellow geeks from nearby JPL and CalTech. If you’ve never heard the symphony of a roomful of these guys laughing, you really haven’t lived… Or maybe you’ve just never attended a Star Trek convention.
I had the distinct pleasure of unintentionally causing some laughter during the opening trailers: They aired a commercial for Paco Rabanne cologne, and without looking up from my game of Tetris I mumbled a deadpan “WRONG demographic” precisely as the theatre fell silent.
Couldn’t help getting the feeling it was all a dry run for the upcoming release of Star Wars: Episode III …How crazy is it gonna be to watch the bad guys win?! I’m just gonna sit here and twitch until it opens.
May 4th, 2005
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