We live nextdoor to our very own Shrek: A down-to-earth guy who looks like a giant redneck Viking. He occupies a one-bedroom over the garages and the kids think he’s great. To surprise him, they had the brilliant idea of decorating his walkway… CONTINUE FOR PICS

I laughed so hard I almost peed. The older they get, the harder it is to tell they’re not biologically related to me… Those poor girls.

6 comments June 18th, 2005

I’ve been cheating on my website, and with work no less. My affections have momentarily been transferred to our corporate web presence, which I have decided to rescue from the tyrannical rule of Digital Insight… I can no longer bear spending hundreds of dollars every time we need to upload a new PDF or change a word somewhere.

Just for giggles, and because I think I’m such a badass now that I’ve learned a little about CSS and CMS, I used an extra database slot that we get with our Intranet hosting to test a new design. After investigating my options, I fell head-over-heels in lurve with an open-source content management system called MAMBO.

Installation was a breeze, and it took me less than 8 hours to customize a template and load all the content that we already had on our site, plus a whole bunch of new stuff that we couldn’t even dream of before - Like polls, and banners, and… I’m getting choked up. It’s just so wonderful! If you want a powerful, flexible web site, Mambo is the shiznit.

PS. I’m still a love-slave to WordPress… See ya tomorrow!

4 comments June 17th, 2005

I still recall the day I shrieked in horror at “Rich Girl” - Gwen Stefani’s pathetic rip-off of a song from “Fiddler on the Roof”. And now she’s come out with this horribly bad “Hollaback Girl” nonsense.

The last time I heard it was in spinning class yesterday. That’s probably the only place it belongs, too… You’ll pedal harder hoping that the bike will take flight so you can avoid its assault on your ears.

Well, it seems I’m not the only one who had a hard time making sense of the lyrics in this tragedy of a song, but thanks to The Zero Boss and Greg Stacy of the Orange County Weekly…

10 comments June 16th, 2005

I’m related to a bunch of nuts. Some certifiable, some medicated, and some in permanent denial that probably led to their condition in the first place. In any case, the older I get, the less of their crap I’m willing to put up with. One by one, they’re dropping from my list of associates.

First was my mom, who certainly earned her partial excommunication. Then it was my dad, who has become such a mealymouthed liar that I can’t bear to be around him. To be honest, I always hope things will improve, so I check back now and then, but I’m usually sorry.

Well, now it’s my aunt. She’s the only local relative whose psychosis is somewhat tolerable, meaning that it generally doesn’t aim itself in my direction. Except when it does. She thinks she’s more perfect than anybody else on the planet, in every conceivable way, and woe be it unto any who disagree. Mmmhmm… Riiiiight.

I finally gave up and stopped responding to her on Memorial Day weekend. We had agreed to meet up for a short visit and I called in advance to finalize our plans, but then she proceeded to obsess over what kind of mood I’d be in, what my attitude would be like, blah blah. Sending conflicting messages. Impossible to please.

The way I figure, if I make her so miserable, the kindest thing to do is buzz off and leave her in peace. Of course, she knows by now that I’m deliberately avoiding her because we used to talk (does that phrase still apply when all I do is listen?) about three hours a week. So now I feel guilty because in a way it feels like a vacation from purgatory.

9 comments June 15th, 2005

They say hindsight is twenty-twenty, but in my case it might be even better than that. I spent my teen years feeling like a complete looser and therefore missed out on a lot of cool stuff, so I was thrilled when I saw this week’s Ten on Tuesday topic…

TEN THINGS YOU WISH YOU KNEW BACK IN HIGH SCHOOL

10. I could have landed any boy I wanted. While it’s true a half-Armenian adolescence is a tragic thing, I still had some major hotness going on, which was never utilized to its full advantage.

9. Most women are jealous, back-stabbers. Now, if I’d known that, maybe I wouldn’t have wasted so much time wondering why they treated me like shit. I didn’t realize it wasn’t personal.

8. Your juvenile record means nothing. Am I saying that I would have been a minor-league criminal if I knew how insignificant the consequences were? Yeah, I think so. At the very least I would have beat the living shit out of a few well-deserving individuals.

7. Marijuana does not kill you. I was convinced I’d take one puff and die of an asthma attack. What a wasted opportunity. I should have blazed my brains out then gone to rehab when I turned eighteen.

6. You can’t treat children like dogs. If I’d understood which forms of parental behavior were illegal, I would have had some leverage and wouldn’t have put up with so much of my mom’s insane crap.

5. HS grades mean little when you’re going to JC. Knew I couldn’t afford to go straight to university, but didn’t know all they care about when you transfer are junior college grades. Why did I bust my ass?

4. Tampon use does not devirginate you. I don’t care how many times I read that answer in a teen magazine, I still worried God would hate me forever for putting anything up there. Today I thank Him for tampons, because pads are from Satan.

3. Being nice is overrated. I wish I never bought into the pressure to be a “nice” girl. Even human compassion is largely for shit. If you have a problem with that concept, I’ll be happy to elaborate later.

2. It’s okay to be a kid. Having a divorced mom who couldn’t even take care of herself, and a dad that didn’t really care about anybody but himself, left this oldest child feeling and behaving far too responsibly. All work and no play made me a dull girl.

1. Just be yourself. And don’t give a crap if people like you or not. When you stop trying, the right people will be drawn to you - True friends. I’m still working on this one… Hope I get it right some day.

6 comments June 14th, 2005

Since I promised to post more about my bombshell girlie side, and seeing as how I can’t think straight after MJ was found not guilty on all ten counts, today I’m bringing you a product review!

There are a few home microdermabrasion systems on the market these days. Most notably from Neutrogena, and another Susan Lucci hawks via infomercial. Since my oily skin gets confused and flaky on a regular basis, I did some research and decided on the DermaNew system.

A few weeks ago I picked up their Total Body Experience kit. The main reason I picked this brand was the widespread availability of hardware accesssories, ie. replacement pads. DermaNew specializes in this type of skincare, so you won’t end up with a useless device on your hands a few months from now.

There are a couple girls at my local Sephora that have never led me astray, so I asked about these products. Each girl had a fascinating anecdote to share about their success with the DermaNew line, so I sprang for the big kit in order to enjoy the complete array of benefits.

For those unfamiliar with home microdermabrasion, all of these systems use a vibrating wand (yes, pack it with you on business trips) coupled with sponge and file attachments used to slough dead layers of skin. The facial systems are used in combination with a corundum crystal cream. They say results rival those achieved with a dermatologist.

I was skeptical until my first treatment, and then I was sold. In fact, I was so excited that I nearly posted about it right away, but I figured I really should be responsible and submit to a few more weeks of testing before saying anything - and now here I am, telling you it rocks!

First of all, I have sensitive skin and it did not irritate my mild rosacea. In fact, my skin has been behaving far more “normal” since I started using the scrub. It’s continually reducing some mild discoloration and unevenness in skin tone, as well as providing the most perfect surface I’ve ever felt on my face… Baby soft.

I highly recommend the DermaNew home dermabrasion system, and if price is a major deterrent, try the Neutrogena kit. Chances are there’s little difference in overall efficiency. What’s marvelous is that you can get (and keep!) beautiful skin without the outrageous cost and inconvenience of repeated visits to the dermatologist.

7 comments June 13th, 2005

Mr. & Mrs. Smith is a great way to kick off a summer that’s certain to be filled with blockbuster movies. It’s an action flick with balls and laughs.

I’ve never been a big fan of Angelina Jolie and her overstuffed fish lips (gee, can you tell?) but I’m guessing life in Cambodia agrees with her because she looked fantastic - And so did Brad Pitt, whose perfect abs couldn’t possibly occur in nature. At last, a movie filled with people that aren’t so darned hard to look at for two hours.

Furthermore, it was true marital therapy to watch the couple go at it with such force. I kid you not, this is one hell of a violent movie… Think War of the Roses meets Mission Impossible. Now this is a date movie that men and women alike will enjoy.

8 comments June 12th, 2005

6 comments June 10th, 2005

Greetings from Disneyland! …I’m amazed we ended up here today!

Originally, we’d planned to visit the San Diego Wild Animal Park, but then da bruver reminded me how lame it is. Then we decided on Knott’s Berry Farm, only to find that the school system had overflowed them with graduates. We ended up forking over nearly $300 just to get in the door at Disneyland, but I must begrudgingly admit it was worth it.

They’re celebrating the park’s 50th Anniversary, and although Space Mountain (my favorite) is still under renovation, there was still plenty of fun to be had. The Dreams Come True fireworks celebration is truly amazing. Plus, there was a ride that we hadn’t tried yet, which turned out to be a lot of fun: Buzz Lightyear Astro Blasters!

That is the most unique ride in the park, because it’s also an interactive game where you earn points for helping defeat the Evil Emperor Zurg with the aid of your hand-held laser cannon. To infinity and beyond! They even take pics that you can e-mail to friends back home…

10 comments June 9th, 2005

In my teens, my father labelled me a hopeless romantic - But that’s different from being an actual romantic. In many ways I can be a stick in the mud because I’m not a fan of traditional demonstrations. I prefer the things that most people would find to be rather mundane. That said, here’s a list of ten ways I let people know they’re loved…

THIS WEEK: ROMANTIC ACTS FOR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS

1. Making sure their needs are met. That covers a broad range of everyday items, and that’s why I listed it first. In my opinion, nothing “extra” means much if I’m ignoring their basic necessities. I attend to those first, and dilligently. It’s important to set the stage properly.

2. Letting them know they’re on my mind. I can do this with a phone call, a note dropped in the mail, or just by saying something like, “I was thinking about you earlier today.” Telling them I keep them in my heart even when they’re not physically present is important.

3. Doing things with them that they enjoy. Hopefully we find pleasure in some of the same pursuits, but chances are there’s some stuff I don’t enjoy. I’ll take time to participate in those activities, too… Even if it’s only by helping with preparations.

4. Doing things with them that they don’t enjoy. Every chore can be made less burdensome with someone that loves you alongside. Sure, I could be off having fun while you take care of your errands, but tagging along and being helpful means I care.

5. Supporting their personal goals. When someone I love pursues anything to improve themself - whether it’s physically, emotionally, spiritually, or intellectually - I want to be their biggest cheerleader!

6. Being quick to reconcile. Disagreements happen, and sometimes things get ugly. I could sit there and stew, or walk away and hold a grudge - But love means moving beyond pride and pettiness and working cautiously toward an equitable resolution.

7. Working with who they are. Some people try to mold others into an image they prefer. That’s not romantic. I would rather capitalize on what’s good and magnify those things, especially where it concerns areas of self-expression, like the way a person chooses to dress.

8. Making them laugh. I hope to never underestimate the power of laughter. Different people respond to different types of humor. I think it’s important to learn how to tickle a person’s funny bone and then to use that knowledge in choice situations that need a little lightening up.

9. Helping them relax. This is where fancy dinners, bubble baths, foot massages, and all those traditional romantic gestures come into play. Now and then, I think it’s important to help people decompress.

10. Giving them space. It doesn’t sound romantic, but I promise it’s important. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder.

11 comments June 7th, 2005