Atomic Bombshell


Archive for July, 2005

Fauxhawk

Fauxhawks

I declare jihad on the hairstyle known as the “Fauxhawk” – Not to be confused with its badass cousin, the Mohawk… The faux is a pathetic attempt to be edgy while still holding down an office job.

The first time I saw one I thought it was interesting… For five minutes. But now I’m seeing them everywhere, on a wide range of men from age 15 to 50 – The fauxhawk has become the 21st century mullet!

Death to the fauxhawk. Either go all the way by shaving the sides and dying the remainder blue, or just accept the fact that your life doesn’t have room for interesting hair and move on. Thanks for listening.

27 comments July 23rd, 2005

Twin Stars

Twin Stars

Ever have one of those low self-esteem days when you’re feeling ugly or fat or just… boring? Today I uncovered a secret way to pull you out of the doldrums: Analogia – Their “Star Estimator” will analyze your features and pinpoint three celebrities you most resemble.

I was flattered to find out that my features somehow make me a likely match for famous supermodel Heidi Klum, ass-whooping hottie Uma Thurman, and former Punky Brewster child star Soleil Moon Frye. Now I’m no dog meat, but that was a bit of an ego boost.

Before you think it’s all fun and no science, you should know that the brains behind the process is Optical Recognition Objectives – Software used by government agencies and casinos to find criminals.

Now go on and upload your picture and be flattered… But remember to come back afterward and tell me which three celebrities might secretly be your distant cousins. Enjoy!

13 comments July 21st, 2005

Little Quirks

Quirks

It was too hot to sleep last night, and when I’m deprived of my full eight hours I turn a little grim. Today I found myself imagining how the lives of the people around me would be different if I were dead… And no, I’m not depressed, just way tired.

Naturally, I began to wonder what might be missed the most about me. From my experience, what really endears people to us are little quirks. Yet these are the very same things that grate on our nerves in everyday life, aren’t they?

While I remember wiping my grandpa’s sweaty kisses from my cheek as a kid, today I’d give anything for just one more. So what will my family be likely to miss about me? I tried to think of my quirks and I came up with nothing… Impossible!

4 comments July 20th, 2005

Maybe Later

Ten on Tuesday

THIS WEEK: TEN COUNTRIES I WOULD LIKE TO VISIT

JAPAN
INDIA
SO. KOREA
SWITZERLAND
CANADA
AUSTRALIA
COSTA RICA
MOROCCO
SEYCHELLES
SPAIN

Where have you been & where do you want to go?

3 comments July 19th, 2005

Seeing Spots

Cindy Crawford

In the eternal quest for personal improvement, I had a mole removed today while I was at the dermatologist. Of course, it’s an easy decision to rid yourself of these spots when you’re predisposed to skin cancer, with a long and illustrious family history to back it up.

Between you and me, there’s a part of me that regrets ordering its removal. I’d had this “beauty mark” since I was born, or at least for as long as I can remember. I find myself mourning its absence a little bit… In a way, it was a little biological piece of flair.

7 comments July 18th, 2005

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