Atomic Bombshell


September 29th, 2005

IntimidationOh, the drama! Last night I experienced the displeasure of playing my part in the dispatch of police helicopters and squad cars to our little neighborhood, all thanks to someone who I thought was merely a petty scam artist, but in the end turned out to be something worse.

Heading home from spinning class around 9pm, as I’m pulling into a parking spot on the street next to our house I see a guy standing there in the shadows. He moves, I park and get out of the car, and then he hits me up for “help” with his car that ran out of gas.

Some mechanism in my brain called bullshit.

I fire back innocently, “Sure, I’ll help push your car to the gas station. It’s just a couple blocks away. I’m pretty strong.” Unimpressed with my flexed bicep, he comes back with, “No, you don’t understand.” I ask, “Is it an SUV or something? I can get my husband to help.” After that he suspects that I’m calling him out on his game.

I give him credit for at least coming somewhat clean at that point and saying, “Look, I just want money for gas so I can get home.” Which was basically also a lie, as I was soon to learn there was no car. Maybe if he stopped at the first five words he’d be closer to the truth. I said, “Well, I’m not giving you money, but I’ll help you.”

That last statement pretty much ticked him off. He mumbled something unintelligible, rocked back and forth like he didn’t know which direction to head next, and then shouted to a hidden accomplice, “D-dog! Come here.” And I figured it wasn’t such a good idea for me to wait around to meet a second big angry black guy.

So I walk in the house and quickly tell my husband what’s up, then head next door to my gigantic Viking redneck neighbor and bring this posse outside to ask these punks to get out of our neighborhood. You see, Wednesday night is Bible Study at the adjacent Korean church, and they see easy targets… And that’s just not right.

Next, the guys confront him to ask why he’s harassing people. Deny, deny, deny. But we’ve all seen him around here before. In fact, he even went up and knocked on the Viking’s door asking for money a couple weeks ago. (The plot thickens.) More words back and forth, more of his lies exposed, finally he’s frustrated and takes off cursing me.

We watch him go, but he doesn’t go far. He hides behind a tree a block away. We call the cops. Meanwhile, the groundskeeper from the church comes to talk to us. In very broken English, he informs us that this guy and his pals have broken into their church dozens of times, and that in the last year alone they’ve been robbed ten times.

This morning we speak with a retired police officer up the street and come to learn that this same guy scared his wife by showing up next to her in their own garage, again using the same surprise and intimidation tactics to get money… And they didn’t report it. (Explain that to me?)

Great. I can’t believe that it took my sassy mouth to finally get all this out in the open so that our neighborhood can deal with the problem. This was a good lesson in trusting my intuition about people’s motives. Heaven help that guy if he shows up around here again.

Entry Filed under: One Of The Guys


  • 1. chele  |  September 29th, 2005 at 8:37 pm

    its takes a damn neighborhood..
    wait how the hell do you spell that..

  • 2. April  |  September 29th, 2005 at 8:39 pm

    Damn girl!! That’s badass as hell… shiiiite….

  • 3. Lewis Moten  |  September 29th, 2005 at 9:27 pm

    Where is the part where some helicopters and cars swarm the neighborhood in search of this guy? After that killer intro, I was expecting car chases, fights, explosions, media reports and an ending where the bad guy is in jail and the hero gets the girl at the end. Only in the movies I guess.

    You really have a good head on those shoulders. Who knows what has happened to anyone else who has fallen for his scheme. That is just plain dangerouse. The guy probably lives close by if he has been repeatedly in the neighborhood for the past few weeks.

  • 4. Heroinegirl  |  September 29th, 2005 at 11:27 pm

    Always listen yo your instincts. Good Girl. But yes, I was expecting a car chase at least!

  • 5. ~Easy  |  September 30th, 2005 at 4:57 am

    It boggles my mind that people don’t call the police more often for this kind of stuff. Even if the PD can’t do anything right now, the call will help them identify a problem area.

  • 6. Erratic Prophet  |  September 30th, 2005 at 4:58 am

    That rocks! You’re my hero!

  • 7. Salena  |  September 30th, 2005 at 5:49 am

    WOW! I’d have been scared to death. You go girl!

  • 8. Peter B.  |  September 30th, 2005 at 5:51 am

    That rocks. Just be careful. Sounds like the hammer is going to come down on them, but be safe in the interim.

  • 9. Lisa  |  September 30th, 2005 at 9:55 am

    These kind of stories are the few things I won’t enjoy about city life. And my mom totallly had her purse stolen last night. I guess I missed the “Criminal Day” card section at Hallmark otherwise I would have been more prepared.

  • 10. Shanni  |  September 30th, 2005 at 1:00 pm

    Wow! That’s crazy stuff. Yeah, be careful. But that was pretty badass of you.

  • 11. Neb  |  September 30th, 2005 at 8:05 pm React. Don’t be a deer in the headlights. The cops can’t do anything about these losers unless you TELL them. They are not psychic.

    Also, it totally flummoxes these guys when you call them on their act. Vapor lock.

  • 12. soapbox.SUPERSTAR  |  October 3rd, 2005 at 9:29 am

    Thank god you did not get hurt. But I suspect you can hold your own!

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