November 20th, 2005
Now that I’ve pointed an angry finger at my gender, it’s only fair that I examine the fingers pointing right back at me. An obvious issue is my mouth: I use my tongue like a sword. My brother sweetly mentioned so this week, and though it was not a new piece of info, the fact that my words would ever wound him begs for an urgent remedy.
The kid is right. I’m ashamed of how easy it is for me to cut people to the marrow. Devastating words fly from my lips with heartless precision. Like a shark during a feeding frenzy, my eyes roll back in my head and I wake when it’s over, viewing the resultant carnage as if it were created by someone else. Not very ladylike, is it?
We all have strengths and weaknesses, but it’s sadly common for talents to be perverted (taken too far) until they become a defect. Self-expression has always come freely to me, but my sharp tongue is thereby unsheathed too often. Once those harsh words are out there, they can’t truly be taken back… The damage is done.
I want my lips used to build, not destroy.
Entry Filed under: The Black Hole
12 Comments
1.
Chris | November 20th, 2005 at 8:50 pm
Wow girl, this entry could have been written about me, as well. Ever since I was a little kid, my quickness and talent for self-expression has made it too easy for me to hurt people.
Every time I ran to my parents after my sister hit me, they would always throw back, “But what did you say to her?” and they would always be right.
I still do this, just ask my ex-boyfriend.
2.
Char | November 20th, 2005 at 11:05 pm
I absoutely agree. I recently did that with Ryan and damn, I felt so shitty afterwards. It’s like a whole different person takes over and cuts that person down, then you come back having to rectify the mess that was created. I really wish I never had that unbecoming talent, but in some cases it surely can be used for good.
3.
Andrew QH | November 21st, 2005 at 2:42 am
Your talent with words is amazing indeed… and while I often envy your ability to cut someone up with mere dialogue, I admire and am proud of your desire to use words to build rather than destroy.
4.
Salena | November 21st, 2005 at 7:49 am
5.
Deleted Soul | November 21st, 2005 at 11:54 am
Consider yourself lucky. I have gone through life being to scared to blurt the angry thoughts that go through my head. I don’t have a problem finding things to say, but they get lost or confused somewhere between my brain and my mouth, and end up as a tight knot in the pit of my stomach.
Teach me how to say what I want, when I want to, and I will teach you the art of holding back…
6.
Shanni | November 21st, 2005 at 12:05 pm
My husband is that way. I’ve learned to develop a thicker skin but sometimes his words still sting. In those heated moments I wish I had the nerve to shoot back what I’m thinking but that wouldn’t help matters. I heard someone once say that you can tell a good marriage by how many teeth marks are on each spouses’ tongue. I’ve learned to bite my tongue and things get resolved a lot faster.
7.
Deb | November 21st, 2005 at 1:23 pm
I admire you for being so quick witted and having the courage to say what you feel, even if the words are painful to others. I consider my words carefully before I speak (or write) them. In fact, I read this last night and didn’t feel ready to reply until just now! I wish I could say all the things that pop into my head in a clear, concise way, when the moment calls for it.
8.
April | November 21st, 2005 at 1:30 pm
Yep. I totally comprehend what you are conveying here. I’m a bit of a smart-ass myself
What keeps me humble is spirituality.
9.
Erratic Prophet | November 21st, 2005 at 7:48 pm
I, again, identify with you. I have a sharp tongue that sometimes gets ahead of my mind and before I know it, I’ve hurt someone. Usually, it’s done in self-defense, but that’s not much of an excuse, is it? I’ve found that time has mellowed me more. So have my kids. I’m more likely, now, to put someone in their place by pointing out their unkind comment instead of out-doing them with my own. It’s more effective, and I don’t hate myself for being mean like them.
10.
Master Foley | November 22nd, 2005 at 7:21 am
Remind me not to piss you off either.
11.
soapbox.SUPERSTAR | November 22nd, 2005 at 8:51 am
I am always guilty of that. I must have heard my mom say “God Mist, you go straight for the jugular” a thousand times.
I am so bad at thinking before I speak.
12.
Lisa | November 22nd, 2005 at 2:25 pm
It’s hard to be mean in a city like Seattle. It’s definitely improved my disposition.