Atomic Bombshell

Archive for November, 2005

The Firm

Firming LotionsWhile it’s probably bad form to complain about the overwhelming effects of your weight loss the day after we all pigged out, I’m making it up to you with product reviews. As my friend Rich will attest, slimming down isn’t all happiness and joy. No such luck. Skin takes its damn sweet time catching up… Quite disturbing!

Enter my latest experiment: Firming Lotions
Initially, I planned to give each product two weeks on their own, applied twice daily. After a week I switched methods, having realized it would be hard to make adequate effectiveness comparisons. Then, I submitted to two weeks with each applied to a different body part. Yes, this is horrible science, but hey… What do you expect for free?

Continue Reading 8 comments November 25th, 2005

Giving Thanks

Happy Thanksgiving

Continue Reading 13 comments November 24th, 2005

Table For Two

Set TableThe holidays are a lot more fun when you have a big family. What really makes it perfect is having a wide range of personalities from all the different age groups. Variety is key, and that means inviting even the obnoxious ones. That’s what really sets you up for some fun.

Our family used to be like that. Huge, unmanageable, and fantastic. But, since the eldest generation started passing on, everyone splintered off. Personally, I think it’s a crock of shit. We’d all still be together, were it not for the baby boomers a generation ahead. They’re stubborn, self-absorbed, and can’t seem to get along.

Believe me, I’ve tried. A few years ago I hosted Thanksgiving for seven in our tiny hovel. Managed to make it an opulent affair even… But underneath the show was nothing but misery. Despite my best efforts, nobody loosened up. My parents’ generation is more of a downer than the quaaludes they dropped in the sixties.

It’s a bummer, because I really enjoy the elaborate preparations and creating something memorable. A good holiday celebration makes people feel loved, or at least it should. This year there are two men in my life who need to be fed, my husband and my brother, and they’re worthy of my hard work… Hope they are blessed.

15 comments November 23rd, 2005

Flying Balls

Tuesday is Chooseday

Would you rather:

  • Have a “Get out of jail free” or “2nd in a beauty contest” card?

    Without a doubt, I’d take the Get Out of Jail card. When I imagine all of the horrible (slash wonderful) things I could get away with, my mind nearly explodes. Second prize only means you’re the #1 loser.

  • Have the power to give paper cuts or satisfy people’s hunger?

    I’m certain I currently posess both abilities, but I’ll assume they mean I could do it telekinetically. In which case, let’s just be honest, I’d choose the ability to inflict pain… But wait, what kind of hunger?

  • Eat a plate full of daisies or four full hams in one sitting?

    Daisies, even if they kill me! Nobody should consume that much pork.

  • Get hit with a golf ball or a football?

    First of all, I’ve already been pelted with every type of ball there is. (Yes, even those, gutter brains!) It’s really a question of where the strike will land and how fast it’s travelling. Without knowing, I would be forced to opt for the more pliable pigskin.

4 comments November 22nd, 2005

Karate Kid

Kenpo CrestAs my husband prepares for his brown belt, I find myself thinking back to the days when we started martial arts training. My whole life I’d wondered what went on inside that odd little building, then finally I learned… The world renowned home of American Kenpo, it was the original Ed Parker studio.

Having a dojo with such an exalted reputation in our back yard was nice, and we were fortunate to train there in its final years. It was a shame to see a place with so much history fade away, but such is life. These days my husband studies elsewhere, and I no longer train in martial arts at all… In retrospect, it was never my cup of tea.

Strange how often you can’t predict how you’ll respond to a situation until you’re in it. Kenpo teaches your body to respond effectively, but nothing could have prepared me for how I was going to react to karate. As it turns out, it’s too painful to submit yourself to even a mock beating when you have far too many memories of the real thing.

15 comments November 21st, 2005

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