December 7th, 2005
After all the bad press I’ve given my aunt lately, it’s time I balance the scales and tell you why I keep Martha around. Other than the fact that she does love me somewhere under the nonsense she spews, there’s also the fact that she’s been through a lot in her lifetime, and has some valuable wisdom to share as a result.
Case in point, one of her famous phrases:
The way people treat you tells you how they want to be treated.
When she first told me that, it sounded odd… Overly simplistic, even. But it turns out that after referring back to that tidbit now and then, it actually changed my life. I’m not even exaggerating. I used to think that the way that I treat people is entirely predicated upon who I am; that I should always behave in a manner befitting the best of my character. This often left me in situations where I was treated poorly while continuing to respond with kindness. I wound up empty and exhausted.
Since really meditating on this concept and working it in, I’ve found new freedoms. There are people whom I will love, but whose behavior prevents me from expressing myself to them. My parents are a good example. I have to keep them away because they’re just not safe. The way that they treat me really does show me how they want to be treated, and when reciprocal action is not in line with my personal standards, sometimes distance is the only acceptable response.
Thanks, Martha, for the good stuff… Like that.
Entry Filed under: The Black Hole
9 Comments
1.
Andrew QH | December 7th, 2005 at 8:36 pm
I understand what you’ve learned from that expression and how it changes your outlook and how you are… And with that I agree… But I don’t think I agree with the quote itself.
2.
The Bombshell | December 7th, 2005 at 9:29 pm
Interesting you should say that, because I had the same objection. Something about it when she said it just smacked me ABSOLUTELY the wrong way. But that’s what caused me to think it over more, and the more I did, the more I got what she was trying to say.
She certainly doesn’t mean we shouldn’t show people grace and mercy, but only that people aren’t owed better treatment than they dole out. You still want to behave according to good conscience.
3.
April | December 8th, 2005 at 8:50 am
How true; therefore, one must demand respect to receive it. Yep, it’s hard when you are a nice person… everyone wants to step all over nice folks.
4.
~Easy | December 8th, 2005 at 9:04 am
That is some good stuff. And very true.
5.
Dariana | December 8th, 2005 at 9:10 am
Wishing you and yours a very Merry Christmas!
6.
Boudica, baby | December 8th, 2005 at 10:28 am
Its nice to see she has so many facets and isn’t y’ typical villianous aunt.
I’m going to remember that snippet. Very useful!
7.
Courtney | December 8th, 2005 at 11:40 am
I feel that….
8.
Pie | December 8th, 2005 at 11:57 am
I just avoid everyone, so I don’t have these problems
9.
Neb | December 8th, 2005 at 9:40 pm
I think the companion truism to this is that people think others think/behave the way THEY do. For example, ever notice how thieves/conmen/liars don’t trust anybody, and honest people just expect other folks to be honest? This is something my husband and I have both run into in our lives. We’ve both been betrayed by people whom we took at their word, and, surprise!, turned out to be somewhat less than trustworthy. We have both also run into people who seemed to have a lot of trouble taking a handshake agreement or otherwise trusting us and, surprise!, turned out to be crooked. People, to quote Douglas Adams, are a problem.