Comments on: Relationshits

By: Fragile Heart

Fragile Heart — Tue, 17 Jan 2006 04:53:08 +0000

Well… Lots and lots of sex.

That’ll mess you up for sure. No, in all seriousness only time heals the wound of a broken heart. That and the constant company of good trusted friends will definitely help. And being able to recognize that a broken heart is an amazing part of life and the only way to truly appreciate the beauty that is being in love!

By: Gianna

Gianna — Fri, 13 Jan 2006 05:44:22 +0000

oops! I am so sorry that was so long! Guess I didn’t know my own strength. Yikes!

By: Gianna

Gianna — Fri, 13 Jan 2006 05:42:09 +0000

I think just relating your own experiences is good. With a bit of emphasis on what you did that was positive (maybe going to the gym so you looked super hot next time you and the ex ran into each other, but instead it just made you look super hot for you!) and what you did that you wish you hadn’t (like the self pity thing). Partying, drinking, getting frisky those are all some ways of dealing with things, but they never really helped me personally. In fact they have always seemed to make me feel worse if I forced them and wasn’t ready.

In my breakups my advice from friends was always kind of the opposite some of the stuf I see here. Such as…
- Take this time to do something you’ve always wanted to, but felt you couldn’t because of that person
- Take a cool class
- Start excercising
- Read or journalize before bed (because that is always a tough time of the day in a break up) and sleep in the middle of the bed not on your side of it (which is the natural inclination and makes a big psychological difference)
- Whatever you do…DON’T talk to or see the ex for 90 days (always a nightmare)
- Take your time …you’ll date when you’re ready (anything before that can hurt more if not be totally worthless and make you feel horrible)
- Instead of slipping into bad habits like excessive drinking or drugs …work on some of your already existent bad habits and make them better (goals are good)
- Keep active
- Volunteer somewhere while you have a bit of extra time (this is huge and can really get someone out of their own head while making them feel awesome about what they are doing now… often they start feeling like they are better off now than with the ex because of it)
- Watch lots of movies (and not sad ones)
- Play video games
- But whatever you do…do things that will make you proud of yourself, things that make you feel healthier without the ex than with and that can’t make you feel quilty (because in a depression that is not the ammunition you should be feeding your already negative brain).

So the best thing you can do is try help your friend get into some positive behavior pattern that will make them feel good…an art class, a martial arts class, reading, volunteering, writing that book they are always saying they want to write, checking out new places, traveling, etc. And when you do see them leaning toward something like that show your full support.

And as for me, when I don’t know what to say I usually say exactly that.

“I don’t know what to say. This sucks, but I do know I love you. I wish you didn’t hurt and if there was something I could do to take it away like kick some ex ass…I would.”

People know you don’t have the answers, but sometimes hearing it followed by a joke can really help.

Best of luck!

By: Master Foley

Master Foley — Thu, 12 Jan 2006 18:58:25 +0000

Oh yeah and you put a su-fi up… That is awesome!

By: Neb

Neb — Wed, 11 Jan 2006 23:57:10 +0000

What misery. Been there, have the scars. Time can heal, but sometimes doesn’t. It’s what you do with the time that matters. 1. Don’t stew in your own juices (pity party). It just makes it worse and halts the healing process. 2. Don’t seek revenge. Results same as #1. 3. Don’t blame yourself…entirely. It takes two to screw up, but needless self-flagellation causes those negative results again. 4. While self-flagellation is right out, self-examination is good. What have we learned from this excercise in frustration? If you can’t think of anything, it’s time for a trip to the counsellor. 5. Pick the next partner from a different pool. If you keep finding lousy “soulmates”, think about where you’re finding them. I’ve known at least two people who keep hooking up with losers…because they’re always picking up somebody from a bar. Get out and follow your bliss…the best friends are found when you’re not looking. 6. Stay off the sauce. Alchohol is a depressant. Why would you want to drink when you’re already blue? I’ve never understood that one.

By: Serah

Serah — Wed, 11 Jan 2006 19:38:04 +0000

It is true, that only time will heal the painful wounds of a break-up.
But a good friend once told me, in the meantime, “The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else!”

By: Gussy

Gussy — Wed, 11 Jan 2006 12:16:10 +0000

Mmm, been there, still fight with the ex. Talking and time I find is the best thing, also knowing that life goes on, and that someone better will come along, that your not the “lowest asshole” that ever lived.

I also find that not talking to them helps also. Only makes you want them more. So, all that plus a good night out to know that your mates care about you!

By: Salena

Salena — Wed, 11 Jan 2006 03:32:17 +0000

I’m sorry to say that the only cure I’ve found is time… and I know I’ve somehow got to occupy my time to keep my mind off things… Being there for your friend is the best thing you can do… I’m sure this isn’t the answer you were looking for though… Good luck!

By: Andrew QH

Andrew QH — Tue, 10 Jan 2006 20:45:00 +0000

You don’t allow time…

By: MooAlex

MooAlex — Tue, 10 Jan 2006 19:39:36 +0000

When my marriage broke up, I went through all the stages of grief (because it really is like a death). Then I went through a few weeks of total sluttiness, which strangely enough, helped me get a bit of self-esteem back.

Also, I met my current husband at the end of this phase (he, too, was going through the slutty phase of his divorce). Also, my ex has turned into a total trailer trash butthead, so that helps, too.

So, my advice is to just be there for your friend, listen to him when he needs it, and don’t be judgmental if he goes through some questionable phases. It’s a process, and there really are no shortcuts.