Atomic Bombshell


Old Wounds

October 1st, 2010

It’s been a busy week. Took my first big exam of the new semester. Brought a handful of friends and neighbors to see Peter Pan at the Orange County Performing Arts Center. The grandparents came down for a visit with my little man. And then yesterday the kid had his first commercial modeling gig.

Too funny. I had nothing to do with setting that up, that was all papa’s doing. Our mini ninja seemed to do a good job in front of the camera. As the people on set reviewed his shots we heard them mention that they found their cover photo, so I guess it was a better than average session. Way to go!

Read on for Day 3 of 30 Days of Truth
Something I Need to Forgive Myself For

On every level but one I’m able to accept that my divorce was the right thing to do. Where I run into problems is in the realm of this word we call “Ideally” because ideally a person should only be married once in their lifetime, at least according to the deepest beliefs of my heart.

I will always view that as my greatest failure. And I don’t know how to truly forgive myself. I know God has forgiven me. Even the most judgmental of my family members (although they’ll probably use it against me until they croak) understood and agreed with my decision to leave.

Sure, I can rationalize with facts: You only dated him for six months before you got married in Vegas. Any narcissist can keep up the show for at least that long before showing his true colors. He nearly killed you during the first six months yet you stuck it out another eight years. And if you remained any longer under all that stress you would have surely continued to develop one form of cancer after another until one finally took your life.

But truth be told, I couldn’t accept these excuses. So instead I just swallowed the shame of failure and kept on living. Fortunately, we serve a God of grace (unmerited favor) and those tough choices led to where I am today, enjoying a beautiful, loving family and a satisfying life.

Sometimes humbling failure is simply the road to grateful success.

Entry Filed under: The Black Hole

5 Comments

  • 1. Shelly  |  October 1st, 2010 at 6:35 pm

    You totally deserve the life you now lead. Don’t ever call yourself a failure because you couldn’t make someone treat you right.

  • 2. Shelly  |  October 1st, 2010 at 6:35 pm

    BTW…your posts are not showing in my reader.

  • 3. The Bombshell  |  October 8th, 2010 at 8:38 am

    @Shelly: Try updating the feed URL to this one…

    http://feeds.feedburner.com/atomicbombshell

  • 4. soapbox.SUPERSTAR  |  October 4th, 2010 at 4:45 am

    You ABSOLUTELY did the right thing! Jordan is such a loving, positive force in your life… he truly is so great for you. And look at the bundle of cuteness you two created.. and another on the way… THIS was the life you were meant to live. The other… was just a stepping stone.

  • 5. Keri  |  October 11th, 2010 at 2:30 pm

    I’ve never met you, Carrie, but I feel so sad when I read that you struggle with those feelings of failure over your marriage to someone who treated you badly. And I feel so happy to know that you are living the life you deserve to live. Sounds like you’ve got a good man and a beautiful (growing) family. <3



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