Atomic Bombshell


Kick Me

October 13th, 2010

With a baby girl on the way, it’s time to make some changes to the nursery. That room was already painted blue when we moved in here, and since we were expecting a boy at the time, I didn’t bother to incur the expense of repainting even though I would have preferred a different color.

Call it a desire for equality or simply the usual pregnancy nesting instincts, but I feel the need to add some slightly more feminine elements in there. So I picked up a few little decorations and am looking forward to adding some cute little owls and such to one of the walls. Should be fun. I’ll post pictures on Flickr once I’m finished.

Read on for Day 8 of 30 Days of Truth
Someone Who Treated Me Poorly

Throughout my life I’ve been trying to figure out where the giant “KICK ME” sign was pinned on, so I don’t really think I can narrow it down to one person who has treated me like garbage. It’s really been a joint effort, passed on from one person to the next. So instead, let’s just take a quick inventory of those who hurt me most. We’ll call it a purge day and get it over with.

Life began beautifully. The first grandchild on both sides of the family meant I was lavished with love and attention. The first three years of my life were golden, as far as I can tell. Then my little brother was born, and although he surely wasn’t the cause of the breakdown of my parents’ marriage, it marked the beginning of the end.

Once my mother was on her own with two kids under six, she became a monster. Literally. Words can’t describe the horrors she committed over my lifetime. It’s the kind of stuff that boggles your mind when you hear a story about something similar on the news or in an episode of Law & Order.

My father wasn’t totally absent, but he was in bad shape for a number of years after the divorce. He’s always been a fragile kind of guy, so I always ended up taking on the role of parent to both of my parents. But I digress.

In those days being the product of a divorced family was a big stigma. Friends at school often couldn’t invite me over to their home or to birthday parties because their parents felt like divorce was a contagious disease that could spread to their home through me, or that children from divorced homes were dangerously screwed up.

Friendships never lasted long. Perhaps those early years of poor treatment marked me in some way that the predators of this world could easily sniff out. I have vague memories of being molested at a young age. Later, I was raped three different times by three different people during my teen years. That definitely warped my outlook.

After that, it was one whacked-out relationship after another until I ended up married to my ex, the narcissist. Again, I just can’t find the words to describe all the pain and loneliness of those eight and a half years, nor do I really want to dwell on that garbage for another minute of my life.

The poor treatment hasn’t been limited to my personal life, either. Even though I’ve always really enjoyed working, many of my jobs were for companies with a whole new brand of crazy. The most recent was probably the worst yet, and I stayed there nearly seven years. I feel like all their former employees should form a recovery support group.

But there is good news after all of that depressing stuff: I’m done being treated like crap. There’s still a really wide swath of leeway I will allow, much more than My Ninja thinks I should put up with, but I definitely have more defined limits now. Life has definitely changed, and greatly for the better.

I believe in happily ever after.

Entry Filed under: The Black Hole

7 Comments

  • 1. Nanette  |  October 13th, 2010 at 5:11 pm

    Wow, hon! You’ve had to travel quite the road to where you are today. I’m so happy that you and The Ninja found each other — I know he treats you the way you deserve to be treated.

    Sending lots and lots of hugs your way.

    The Bombshell

    @Nanette: Hugs back to one of my favorite mommas!

  • 2. shelly  |  October 14th, 2010 at 6:09 am

    The two of you are one of the best couples that I know.

    The Bombshell

    @shelly: Aww, thanks, Shells!

  • 3. Keri  |  October 17th, 2010 at 6:17 am

    Sometimes there just aren’t words. But I give you virtual (((hugs))). I’m glad you have found your Ninja.

    The Bombshell

    @Keri: Thanks, Keri. Hugs back!

  • 4. soapbox.SUPERSTAR  |  October 19th, 2010 at 10:34 am

    What amazes me most is how amazing you turned out in spite of it all. You are such a caring, grounded person. You deserve all the happiness that has finally come your way and then some!!!



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