Posts filed under 'Carrie's Rants'
When you have long hair, a good haircut can last months. Then one day you wake up and all of a sudden it just stops working. For me, that was last night, so this morning I called to make an appointment. First, they redirect me to a new location saying that my stylist was promoted. I call the new place and they tell me she has tons of openings… Should have been a clue that something was amiss since she’s usually booked two weeks out.
Twenty minutes later I’m on the freeway heading over (on my lunch break) when a call rings in from the appointment desk telling me, “Oops, she’s at the old place today!” No big deal. I continue a little further to the original salon. Then I sit there for twenty five minutes before anybody seems to notice the increasingly perturbed look on my face.
I ask, “Is she even here?” and that’s when I find out they hadn’t been able to track down my stylist. After I explain the misdirections that already occurred and review my time constraints, the receptionist summons a manager. Many apologies are made and she offers services on the house. So, I’m scared to death, but I agree to get it over with.
Big mistake! Only in Misty’s Wonderland does a complaint result in something marvelous. In my world, you walk out with crappy wet hair and a black eye. Yeah, you heard me. A black eye! She tagged me in the orbital bone with her blowdryer… That’s what I get for complaining!
January 30th, 2007
One of my kidneys decided to give me some grief last week. Ended up in the hospital for four days with a bad infection. Despite copious amounts of antibiotic my white blood cell count and fever didn’t show enough improvement so they locked me up. This kidney infection did a number on me. My energy is way down and I can see it’s going to take a while to fully recover… SUCK!
September 12th, 2006
Saw this “Mallard Fillmore” comic in the paper last week and it got me thinking. My mother may be far from a shining example, but she had me reading by age three… I kid you not! To this day I can remember our “play time” with phonics and flashcards. Those early years set the stage for a life-long love of learning.
These days, so many parents don’t view their children’s education as a personal responsibility. Either they feel ill-equipped, uninterested, or too busy. Of course, there are plenty of exceptions… My aunt and uncle are among them. They homeschooled my six cousins, the oldest of whom recently graduated from UCLA.
I was always a little jealous of their personalized education because I was always so bored! In both private and public schools, I had the same experience of waiting for the slowest moron in class to catch up so that we could finally move on and learn something new. The whole process was terribly painful for a bright girl with A.D.D.
Maybe some day I’ll have a family and face decisions about education. I wonder if I’ll have the option to home school, or if economic conditions will force me to subject my children to the boredom I once endured.
April 24th, 2006
What ever happened to the days when you could cry freely and openly? I think that privilege ended when I turned five. It’s a shame, too… Because right about now I’d like free rein to break down and weep instead of holding it in.
Unfortunately, people would think I’m a basket case, or I’d upset people who care about me. But really, what’s wrong with crying? Maybe we should be more concerned about people who don’t cry, and a little less about ones who do.
I will continue to relegate my wailing to the shower until social mores change. It’s the perfect place for it: You’re already wet, no worries about smeared mascara or puffy red eyes, you can wash the snot right down the drain, and afterward you feel clean… Inside and out.
January 23rd, 2006
January 11th, 2006
As I and my fellow misogynists lament over the current state of female behavioral patterns, the smidgen of human compassion left in me prompts me to try and isolate some potential causes.
Today one rather significant factor emerged: Women’s magazines. Humbly, I submit to you that we’re far better off without them.
Fashion — In all the years I’ve thumbed through them, I have yet to see a wearable ensemble portrayed in pictures. If I’m fortunate, maybe two items will appeal to me, and chances are those came from ads, not spreads. They put those scenes together as artistic expressions, not to help any of us get dressed in the morning! Furthermore, it’s not like we have a hard time outstripping our wardrobe budgets… Given the opportunity, we can find more than enough cool stuff without the aid of a magazine, right?
Relationships — Another bloated topic that they seem to hash to death in these magazines. Are we to believe that there’s some kind of cookie-cutter solution out there that will turn challenging interpersonal matters into a little slice of heaven? Girls couldn’t possibly be that naive. But let’s face it, out of needy desperation they’ll try anything… That is, anything other than looking within themselves to find a true and honest solution. No, they’d rather take all the contradictory and manipulative advice various magazines can dole out, and come off looking like total psychopaths… Brilliant!
Sex — Now, this one really gets me. There’s a generation of girls who grew up reading “the bible” (as the ladies of SATC refer to Cosmopolitan) and I propose that it didn’t do men any favors. I’ll bet money that all it did was release a glut of crappy lovers onto the market. Creativity, where have you gone? Not to be crude, but I’ve been married for a billion years, and I have yet to run out of new material. All it requires is half a brain… Which you won’t have at your disposal if you’re firing every synapse trying to remember which way Cosmo said you should swirl your tongue! Thank you.
January 5th, 2006
How do you know when you’re done with someone? Is there some obvious sign? There should be. Maybe that would prevent some of life’s more pathetic tragedies from happening. For example, one of my favorite people is hurting right now because his girlfriend left him… Guess she thinks she saw the sign. The problem: She’s screwing up.
This young lady wanted little more out of life than to be a wife and mother. She has watched friends and family achieve that ideal while she lived out the “always a bridesmaid, never a bride” cliché. However, when she was finally offered all of her dreams on a silver platter, she turned tail and ran at the first sign of a struggle… Pussed out.
Women’s behavior has long been a mystery to me, but this leaves me aghast. Though there’s still hope that things will work out beautifully in the end, it sucks to see someone willing to walk away from something so precious. At times I think people fear achieving their dreams every bit as much as they dread never reaching them at all.
December 23rd, 2005
Eureka! I found a fantastic new blog. It’s like a salve for my woman-hating soul. Remember my post earlier this month about jealous chicks and how they’re screwing up my desire to find female friends? Shortly thereafter I came upon “Confessions of a Female Misogynist” while cruising Blogger, and I swear to you… I heard angels sing.
Though I don’t consider myself a feminist (at least in today’s sense of the word) I am almost entirely in agreement with the blog’s author, who goes by the name of Jaq. She is currently on one hell of a tirade, plowing her way through the litany of problems with women today. Tackling everything from manipulation to ex-boyfriends, she even provides a Lexicon as a handy reference.
Every time I read her posts, I want to jump up out of my chair, teleport to a grassy field, and dance around naked, tossing daisies into the air. It makes me feel that jubilant! I give this girl a great big HALLELUJAH for breaking down these subjects, sparing me from having to do it myself. She is my therapy. Add her to your feeds or blogroll, and enjoy.
November 30th, 2005
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