Posts filed under 'Carrie's Rants'
What ever happened to the days when you could cry freely and openly? I think that privilege ended when I turned five. It’s a shame, too… Because right about now I’d like free rein to break down and weep instead of holding it in.
Unfortunately, people would think I’m a basket case, or I’d upset people who care about me. But really, what’s wrong with crying? Maybe we should be more concerned about people who don’t cry, and a little less about ones who do.
I will continue to relegate my wailing to the shower until social mores change. It’s the perfect place for it: You’re already wet, no worries about smeared mascara or puffy red eyes, you can wash the snot right down the drain, and afterward you feel clean… Inside and out.
January 23rd, 2006
January 11th, 2006
As I and my fellow misogynists lament over the current state of female behavioral patterns, the smidgen of human compassion left in me prompts me to try and isolate some potential causes.
Today one rather significant factor emerged: Women’s magazines. Humbly, I submit to you that we’re far better off without them.
Fashion — In all the years I’ve thumbed through them, I have yet to see a wearable ensemble portrayed in pictures. If I’m fortunate, maybe two items will appeal to me, and chances are those came from ads, not spreads. They put those scenes together as artistic expressions, not to help any of us get dressed in the morning! Furthermore, it’s not like we have a hard time outstripping our wardrobe budgets… Given the opportunity, we can find more than enough cool stuff without the aid of a magazine, right?
Relationships — Another bloated topic that they seem to hash to death in these magazines. Are we to believe that there’s some kind of cookie-cutter solution out there that will turn challenging interpersonal matters into a little slice of heaven? Girls couldn’t possibly be that naive. But let’s face it, out of needy desperation they’ll try anything… That is, anything other than looking within themselves to find a true and honest solution. No, they’d rather take all the contradictory and manipulative advice various magazines can dole out, and come off looking like total psychopaths… Brilliant!
Sex — Now, this one really gets me. There’s a generation of girls who grew up reading “the bible” (as the ladies of SATC refer to Cosmopolitan) and I propose that it didn’t do men any favors. I’ll bet money that all it did was release a glut of crappy lovers onto the market. Creativity, where have you gone? Not to be crude, but I’ve been married for a billion years, and I have yet to run out of new material. All it requires is half a brain… Which you won’t have at your disposal if you’re firing every synapse trying to remember which way Cosmo said you should swirl your tongue! Thank you.
January 5th, 2006
How do you know when you’re done with someone? Is there some obvious sign? There should be. Maybe that would prevent some of life’s more pathetic tragedies from happening. For example, one of my favorite people is hurting right now because his girlfriend left him… Guess she thinks she saw the sign. The problem: She’s screwing up.
This young lady wanted little more out of life than to be a wife and mother. She has watched friends and family achieve that ideal while she lived out the “always a bridesmaid, never a bride” cliché. However, when she was finally offered all of her dreams on a silver platter, she turned tail and ran at the first sign of a struggle… Pussed out.
Women’s behavior has long been a mystery to me, but this leaves me aghast. Though there’s still hope that things will work out beautifully in the end, it sucks to see someone willing to walk away from something so precious. At times I think people fear achieving their dreams every bit as much as they dread never reaching them at all.
December 23rd, 2005
Eureka! I found a fantastic new blog. It’s like a salve for my woman-hating soul. Remember my post earlier this month about jealous chicks and how they’re screwing up my desire to find female friends? Shortly thereafter I came upon “Confessions of a Female Misogynist” while cruising Blogger, and I swear to you… I heard angels sing.
Though I don’t consider myself a feminist (at least in today’s sense of the word) I am almost entirely in agreement with the blog’s author, who goes by the name of Jaq. She is currently on one hell of a tirade, plowing her way through the litany of problems with women today. Tackling everything from manipulation to ex-boyfriends, she even provides a Lexicon as a handy reference.
Every time I read her posts, I want to jump up out of my chair, teleport to a grassy field, and dance around naked, tossing daisies into the air. It makes me feel that jubilant! I give this girl a great big HALLELUJAH for breaking down these subjects, sparing me from having to do it myself. She is my therapy. Add her to your feeds or blogroll, and enjoy.
November 30th, 2005
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