Now that I’ve achieved a substantial measure of distance from married life it’s becoming easier to look back and be objective. Through all the challenging events along life’s journey I try to search out the lessons and grow… At the very least, it feels like less of a waste that way.

I walked away from a life that plenty of women would find to be a fulfillment of their dreams. A decent guy with an excellent career, and a cute little home with a ready-made family. I know what I gave up and what could have been different… I see all the possibilities.

Continue Reading 15 comments July 26th, 2006

Think I’ve had a hard time writing recently? There’s been no lack of material, I simply have not felt comfortable with sharing because there is a risk that I could cause more hurt… And I don’t want that.

So, here’s a disclaimer, which I hope will enable me to return: A big chapter of my life just ended and nothing about it was easy, but it was right. It’s still hard, so if I write about fun things it doesn’t mean I’ve been whooping it up. Conversely, if I write about deeper things it doesn’t mean I need help.

My life is still in a strange state of limbo, but this week I started to feel a little more like myself again at work… That’s something, I guess, and not a moment too soon, because I’m certain I was minutes away from the chopping block. That would be bad. Perhaps if I start opening up a little more, I’ll make it through to the other side a wee bit sooner.

9 comments July 20th, 2006

For over a decade I wore a white gold ring on the thumb of my right hand. A few weeks ago I tossed it into a fountain. Disposing of that band was very meaningful to me. Putting it on all those years ago was more about style, but as I wore it each day it strangely came to symbolize things to me about my life and its purpose. The day I finally got rid of it I realized that I no longer fully believe those things… Maybe some day I’ll tell you what the ring meant to me, but for just now I’ll be tucking that away in my heart.

2 comments July 9th, 2006

Many areas of my life are in need of greater illumination, and so a common frustration for me is accepting that I can only be where I’m at… I’ll be searching for answers about one thing only to be provided with other insights into things that appear to be completely unrelated.

We can’t force personal progress or even determine its direction. Instead, we find ourselves passing out of the darkness only by actively searching for areas where a fresh light is shining. Life has taught me to seek growth wherever it can be found, not just in the places I’d like to see it most.

3 comments June 13th, 2006

This Week: Ten Ways I Like to Relax

Here’s a timely subject. I’ve been through the wringer these last few months! Spending a little time on this exercise to figure out what makes me feel relaxed is probably a wise notion… Here goes!

10. Swimming - For me, there are few more relaxing experiences than floating around in the clear blue wetness. I love that weightless feeling you get when you’re underwater.

9. Cleaning - Don’t think I’m some kind of neat-freak, because I can be a mess at times, but I do find that when my body and environment are freshly cleansed and tidy I just feel a lot better… More like myself.

8. Touring - I detest driving. What I like is to be driven around by someone. We don’t need a specific destination. I just like to listen to music and look out the window to see new people and places.

7. Geekery - You know what I’m talking about… As frustrating as stretching our nerdy brains can be, there’s a certain zen in playing with code or learning something new about a technology that you enjoy.

6. Listening - I like a good story. Before my grandparents’ generation started passing away I enjoyed them often. Time-travelling with others broadens my perspective and furthers my understanding.

5. Solitude - As much as I adore people, sometimes I need time alone. In reflection, I find that the times I have spent in quiet thought always paid dividends far beyond the initial investment I had made.

4. Cycling - From the early days on my trike, to the BMX grandpa won for me, to mountain biking in college, to my beloved spinning classes, to these recent moments on a road bike… It’s always fun and freeing.

3. Playtime - Kids have this down to a science. They have an amazing capacity for fun! I find that by interacting with children I can reconnect with the simple things and my grown-up concerns melt away.

2. Helping - Often the most relaxing thing I can do is help others. Taking the focus off of myself and doing nice things for someone else makes me feel calm and happy… Plus, it’s a win-win situation.

1. Being Held - When it comes right down to it, I haven’t changed much since the day I was born. Still, the most comforting thing imaginable is to be held tenderly by someone who loves me through and through.

8 comments June 6th, 2006