Today I moved out and filed for divorce. Out of respect to the other person involved I will not delve into details. However, I greatly look forward to sharing things about myself now without worries of causing friction at home. It’s already a year of big challenges… and to think it isn’t yet half over!

Welcome to the first day of the rest of my life…

41 comments May 15th, 2006

Ever wonder how much of a control freak you really are? I have developed a new formula for finding out: Count how much time it takes between receiving essential information you’ve been waiting for and when you come down with a mysterious stress-related illness.

In my case, I collapsed in under 24 hours… Coincidence? I think not.

As hard as I try to pretend that I’m strong, my true weakness always finds a way out, and usually through my physical condition. Everybody has a weak spot, and that’s been mine. Asthma, allergies, you name it… It’s all just pain pushing its way to the surface.

When it comes to the course of my life, I am so committed to nailing down every detail. I believe far too much in the power of self-disicpline. I strive too hard to fill in the blanks. I hate waiting, and I hate leaving anything to chance… I find it almost entirely impossible to just be.

6 comments February 4th, 2006

Personal change can be a slow process …Except when it’s not. When you can actually tell that you’re changing, that’s when you know something kicked into overdrive… That’s where I’m at lately.

In trying to figure out the exact ways I’m evolving, I’ve narrowed it down a little. Basically, I’m done giving of myself to those who bleed me dry. You know what I mean — I’m sure you have a few, too.

What we accept, we deserve… And I might finally be finished accepting.

Furthermore, I’m starting to speak up more often when I don’t like the way I’m being treated. This is a dangerous one that usually ends up getting me into a lot of trouble… But, oh well. On the flipside, I’m also starting to more expressively treasure friends and family who stick by me through the worst times, and do what they can to help.

8 comments February 2nd, 2006

Life sure is a kick in the pants, ain’t it?

Today, the woman who for all my formative years made misery and suffering seem like a part of normal, everyday life, admonished me about my penchant for enduring unnecessary pain. The person who took a giant dump on all of my dreams also found fit to tell me that I have a responsibility to achieve all the desires of my heart.

Yes, and this very same lunatic, who did little else than berate me every single day for at least eighty five thousand, four hundred and ten days of my life, also told me that she believes I am a vibrant, loving person, who has a whole lot to offer the world… And that I should get on it!

You know what else? She looked good doing it, too.

14 comments January 16th, 2006

My blog has been boring as hell lately, and don’t you think I haven’t noticed! Haven’t even found sufficient words to comment on your blogs lately, and for that I am truly sorry. I will force myself out of this silent funk, I promise.

The excuse: My brain is a big jumble of thoughts that I haven’t been able to sort through… Kind of like a ball of yarn the cat attacked, and now I’m supposed to crochet an afghan.

Did that make sense? No… And there you have it! Usually the hormonal nightmare that happens this time of month produces some of my best writing, but not this time… I’m somewhere else, alone and quiet.

In any case, I’m going to get back on the ball and untangle some thoughts. Maybe some yicky stuff that I’d normally rather keep private. Because if I don’t, chances are I’m gonna go crazy… Stand by.

13 comments January 13th, 2006