2 comments January 15th, 2006
Posts filed under 'One Of The Guys'
Oh my… These are a bit more “out there” than usual this time! They is talking loco and I think I like it. (Yes, that’s a Zoolander reference.) 
Would you rather:
- Get a prank call at 2am or sit on a whoopie cushion on a public bus?
May I pick both, please? Sounds like heaps o’ fun!
- Get poked in the eye or receive a wedgie?
Stay the hell away from my eyes or I will sock you. (PMS, anyone?) Go to town with the wedgie if you like, but as was already disclosed, I self-inflict one every day.
- Rushed to the hospital because of a freak accident involving a llama and whipped cream or have an allergic reaction on your nipples from latex?
Regarding option B: Eww! I pick the Llama… He’s an accident waiting to happen anyway. The whipped cream just makes it a sure thing.
- Get bitten by a rabid chihuahua or a wild badger?
Crap… Both options totally suck.
5 comments January 10th, 2006
“Let’s talk a little bit about L-O-V-E. Sometimes you meet somebody and you have what is known as a ‘relationship’ and things can go great, then you have a ‘great relationship.’
But sometimes it doesn’t go so great, and I call that a ‘relationshit.’
When you’re not in love… When you don’t have love, everybody you know falls in love, on like the same day. Even Karen the Douchebag falls in love. Even retarded people in your neighborhood are getting married on their front lawn as you drive by.
‘WHAT?! The tards just got married on their lawn!’
That’s great! I have nobody, and the tards just committed to each other for a lifetime of tardy-ness. Or is that, they’re late for everything? I don’t know.” - Dane Cook
As I’ve mentioned before, one of my best buddies is getting over a break-up. We’ve all been there, right? …Missing them, longing for those good times, wishing it would all work itself out. He goes home and the place seems so empty without her. All he can think about is her smile. There are moments of anger, self-loathing, and so on… And I am the worst friend on earth because I don’t know what the heck to say!
How did you get through it? Any words of wisdom?
16 comments January 9th, 2006
After enjoying spinning classes for many months now, it’s high time to purchase some proper cycling shoes. My mission was to find a pair that will be perfect for class but also eventually take me out onto the road. This little task has turned out to be more complicated than I originally estimated. There are vast differences in fit among the range of brands, and like most things in life, you only get what you pay for.
The thing that kept me laughing during this annoying selection process was the following realization: Cyclists are people who wanted to be superheroes, but just didn’t make the cut… The B-team, if you will. Simply take a look at their footwear — Silver and gold, vibrant yellow, blinding white, Superman red, electric blue, and Batman black.
Holy Hotwheels! …And let’s not even mention all that spandex.
7 comments January 8th, 2006
All hail the glorious return of my one and only favorite show!
That’s correct, they aired the first new episode of BSG this evening, and if you missed it, don’t you fret about that:
You can download it tomorrow through Apple iTunes!
Now, it may just be my imagination, but I think I saw a little sexual tension building between two of the more “butch” ladies on the show. Yep! I seriously think Admiral Cain has a thing for my girlie Starbuck. And who could blame her really? Kara Thrace is a bootie-kicking hottie, card shark, cigar smoker, and a viper pilot… I mean, hello!
10 comments January 6th, 2006
Would you rather:
- Wear underwear made of fur or bubblegum?
Gum — For that extra feeling of freshness.
- Have a complete stranger walk up and french kiss you or get licked on your naked butt by a strange dog?
Thanks to working Renaissance Faire as a teen, I’ve already been mauled by drunken freaks, so I’ll progress in the spirit of adventure and go for the canine ass-licking… Grody!
- Put curry on everything you eat or touch everything to your chin before putting it in your mouth?
Unless they’re going to throw in a lifetime supply of acne medicine, I’m going to have to choose option one. Then again, I also enjoy authentic curry, and just about everything else from India.
- Make a funny face and have it stay that way or lie and have your pants light on fire?
Ignite my pants… Thanks to those old public service ads with Dick Van Dyke, I know how to stop, drop, and roll!
2 comments January 3rd, 2006
Today’s 10 on Tuesday is secretly being replaced with Folger’s Crystals. The recommended topic this week was “Chores You Hate Most” and since as we speak my beloved housekeeper is handling all of that crap for me, I feel highly overqualified to post on the subject.
Here’s something more entertaining: Jason Rohrblogger reports on the TOP TEN REJECTED CELEBRITY-ENDORSED HOLIDAY GIFTS!
10. Pez-Style Elton John Zoloft Dispenser
9. Saddam Hussein Beard Lice Extermination Kit
8. Dubya’s Guide to Surfing the Internets for Dummies
7. Desperate Housewives Upholstery Stain Remover
6. Rosie O’Donnell’s Carpet Cleaner / Dessert Topping
5. The Prison Farm Cookbook by Martha Stewart
4. Tara Reid’s Areola Cross-Stitching Hobby Set
3. The Barry Bonds “Shoot-Em-Up” Steroid Injection System
2. Michael Moore’s Washboard Abs Machine
And the number one rejected celebrity-endorsed holiday gift…
1. Paris Hilton’s Self-Taught Sword Swallowing Instructional Video
6 comments December 6th, 2005
‘Tis time we get ourselves into the spirit of Christmas. On December first, I can think of no better way to set the wheels of good cheer in motion than with a classic, rip-roaring rant from my favorite angry squirrel, Foamy! Click the picture above to view his Holiday Special.
13 comments December 1st, 2005
Heck, if you’re gonna dream — Dream big! I took after my grandma Jasmine in many ways (unfortunately none of her virtues) but especially when it comes to having a preference for unattainable luxury.
On that note, I will share with you my real Christmas list… The one that will never be filled. In fact, I hope Santa laughs his jelly belly off when he reads my short but outrageous list of demands each year.
AURORA’S 2005 WISH LIST
7. Aston Martin V12 Vanquish
6. Outerlimits Sport Yacht
5. Lady Heart Diamonds
4. Hermès 35cm Birkin
3. Cartier Tankissime
2. Plantation Estate
1. F-14 Tomcat
What’s on your list?
10 comments November 26th, 2005
Would you rather:
- Have a “Get out of jail free” or “2nd in a beauty contest” card?
Without a doubt, I’d take the Get Out of Jail card. When I imagine all of the horrible (slash wonderful) things I could get away with, my mind nearly explodes. Second prize only means you’re the #1 loser.
- Have the power to give paper cuts or satisfy people’s hunger?
I’m certain I currently posess both abilities, but I’ll assume they mean I could do it telekinetically. In which case, let’s just be honest, I’d choose the ability to inflict pain… But wait, what kind of hunger?
- Eat a plate full of daisies or four full hams in one sitting?
Daisies, even if they kill me! Nobody should consume that much pork.
- Get hit with a golf ball or a football?
First of all, I’ve already been pelted with every type of ball there is. (Yes, even those, gutter brains!) It’s really a question of where the strike will land and how fast it’s travelling. Without knowing, I would be forced to opt for the more pliable pigskin.
4 comments November 22nd, 2005
