My life has changed so much – and in such wonderful ways – that the original tone and usual content you found here just isn’t who I am right now. However, there’s still so much I’d like to share with those of you I’ve come to adore over the years. Expect an email from me in coming weeks with a link to the new site.

As for the Atomic Bombshell, she will not fade into oblivion just yet. In fact, I plan to relaunch this site to cover my passion for cycling. Eventually, I hope to help build a local cycling team and utilize this site as the communications hub for that group. Or who knows, maybe it can even serve to support female cyclists and related events throughout the region.

Here’s to new beginnings!

So, it was no big surprise when, after months of panic attacks on the bike every time I rode within proximity of a silver Toyota Tacoma, one finally ran me down on what would have been our tenth wedding anniversary. No, it wasn’t my ex that took me out, but a total stranger… But still, pretty eerie, is it not?

I was riding with about thirty cyclists that morning and I was fifth from the lead. The truck overtook most of us, then cut a quick right turn into a driveway ahead of me, offering me no option but impact. I was able to slow down from about 18-20 mph to about 6-10 mph prior to the collision, but hitting a wall of steel at any speed is gonna hurt.

And hurt it does. This is my first day back at the keyboard in over a week, and I’m making it a short visit just to update. Although I was extremely fortunate that I didn’t go under his back wheel, I did suffer a great amount of damage from the three impacts: my bike hitting the truck, my body hitting the truck, and my body hitting the ground.

My left side bore the strongest impact, with my hip at the focus, but the doctors were impressed that my bones fared so well. Keep taking your calcium, girls… It works! Despite pain in places I never even knew I had, and having more contusions, pulled muscles, and pissed-off vertebrae than you can imagine, I am very lucky things weren’t a lot worse.

The driver was cited for a multitude of offenses: not carrying his drivers license, no proof of insurance, and last but not least, that unsafe turn. The police report places all blame for the collision on the truck driver. He swears that he has proper insurance, and he’ll have to show proof or lose his license, but if he’s lying, I’m going to weep endlessly.

Let’s not even begin to calculate the doctor’s bills and ongoing physical therapy costs I’m in for, but cycling is a huge part of my life. The sense of freedom and joy that I’ve experienced over the last year and a half has been invaluable. Not only have I made so many treasured friends through this sport, but as a cancer survivor, riding the bike as an outlet for stress and to achieve greater fitness is vital to me.

So, even though one legal battle (the divorce) is finally behind me, and the best part of that was no longer having to deal with (or pay for) attorneys, it seems that now I must sign on for a new fight, and brace myself for all the fun that comes with it. I’m pretty sure any insurance company will choke when they’re told the replacement cost for this bike runs in the thousands of dollars, thanks to fancy carbon components, brand new racing wheels, and a custom frame.

Keep your fingers crossed that I’ll find the right team of doctors, physical therapists, and legal help to set me quickly back to right.

This is a scaled-down version of a poster that my father was commissioned to create the week after the incident occurred. These were distributed throughout Southern California. It remains a poignant message, and an especially appropriate reminder on this day.

(Note: This post was originally published in 2005.)

Okay, I’m a few days late, but with the hiatus in effect I can get away with it, right? When I saw the topic this week, I simply couldn’t resist…

Ten Favorite Childhood Fairytales

1. Sleeping Beauty – My favorite fairy story ever
2. Peter Pan – Can’t forget about my first love
3. Velveteen Rabbit – Love sometimes hurts
4. Giving Tree – True love gives everything
5. Miffy in the Snow – Too cute for words
6. Match Girl – A heartwrenching story
7. Rapunzel – It’s all about the hair
8. Peter Rabbit – Naughty bunny
9. King Arthur and His Knights
10. Rumpelstiltskin – Scary!

Usually I post these things right away before the details fade. This time I didn’t because it was holiday happy joy time, and I didn’t want to be a wet blanket. But back when I had that nasty 104 degree fever, it triggered a remembrance…

Very rarely, when I’m experiencing a great deal of stress and anxiety, I’ll notice a baffling physical sensation. It’s hard to explain, but it’s somewhat like chewing on styrofoam underwater in slow-motion… Mystery solved!

These sensations originated when mom wanted her six year old daughter out from underfoot, so she decided to lock me in the garage. Being a very smart and stubborn girl, I figured that I’d show mommy a lesson or two by hiding inside an old wardrobe so that when she came to let me out, she’d be frightened and unable to find me, and therefore less likely to do something so terrible ever again.

Either mother never came to find me, or I didn’t hear her when she did, or she looked around and not seeing me, figured I’d wrangled my way free on my own, or something… Because I stayed in that wardrobe for hours upon hours. In retrospect, I think I nearly drove myself crazy trying to occupy my mind while locked up in total darkness.

Turns out I managed to act out my own production of Altered States!

Life sure is a kick in the pants, ain’t it?

Today, the woman who for all my formative years made misery and suffering seem like a part of normal, everyday life, admonished me about my penchant for enduring unnecessary pain. The person who took a giant dump on all of my dreams also found fit to tell me that I have a responsibility to achieve all the desires of my heart.

Yes, and this very same lunatic, who did little else than berate me every single day for at least eighty five thousand, four hundred and ten days of my life, also told me that she believes I am a vibrant, loving person, who has a whole lot to offer the world… And that I should get on it!

You know what else? She looked good doing it, too.

It’s been like a billion years since I last did a quiz, and this one was fun. Either that, or I was really, really bored. It’s designed to look back on the past year and examine what you did and how you feel about the highlights of each season… I won’t be so cruel as to call on anybody to participate, but feel free to do so, and tag me back if you do!

January

1. Did you have a new year’s resolution this year?
Yes! Kept it and moved on to succeed at other goals.

3. Does it snow where you live?
No, but lately it’s been darn cold!

4. Do you like hot chocolate?
Yes, but like everything, it’s better when shared.

5. Have you ever been to times square to watch the ball drop?
If I had testicles, I’d give my left one to visit New York City.

6. How did you celebrate New Years this year?
It was beyond lame! Went to bed early.

February

1. Who was your valentine in 2005?
I’m pretty sure it was Hallmark.

2. What did you get your valentine?
Dinner at Jar on Beverly Blvd.

3. What did your valentine get you?
I think he picked up the check.

4. When you were little, did you buy valentines for your whole class?
Of course!

March

1. Are you Irish?
There’s a bit in there somewhere.

2. Do you wear green on St. Patty’s Day?
Yes, but I keep it hidden.

3. What did you do for St. Patty’s Day in 2005?
I have absolutely no recollection.

April

1. Do you like the rain?
Rain = Bad hair days.

2. Did you play an April fool’s joke on anyone this year?
Yes, and any ole day of the year works for me, too.

3. Do you get tons of candy on easter?
Nope, nor did I really want any.

May

1. What’s your favorite kind of flower?
Pink Asiatic Lilies

3. Do you like the spring?
Yes, by the time it arrives, I’m always ready.

4. April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
Bucket loads of Claritin-D.

5. What would you think of as a spring color?
Green or Pink.

June

1. What year did you graduate from high school?
A million billion zillion quadrillion years ago.

2. Did you go on any vacations last June?
I don’t really get to go on vacations.

July

1. What did you do on the 4th of July?
Three very important letters: B-B-Q

2. Did you go on any vacations during this month?
We probably hit a bunch of theme parks.

August

1. Do you do anything special to end off your summer?
Well, my birthday is in August, and we went to Vegas.

2. What was your favorite summer memory of ‘05?
Staying up all night watching silent movies.

3. Do you go swimming a lot in the summer?
Way, way, way, way, more than I’ll admit.

4. Do you go to the beach a lot?
Yes, often… But only after 3pm.

September

1. Did you attend school/college in ‘05?
For once, no… But I miss it.

2. Who is/was your favorite teacher?
Sucks I don’t remember his name.

3. Do you like fall better than summer?
Summer owns all other seasons.

October

1. What was your favorite halloween costume ever?
Princess Leia.

2. What’s your favorite candy?
Dark Belgian Chocolate.

3. What did you dress up like this year?
Wore my cheerleading uniform from HS.

November

1. Whose house do you usually go to for thanksgiving?
Mine or my aunt’s.

2. Do you like stuffing?
Yes, but we don’t make it.

3. What are you thankful for?
Opportunities to love and be loved.

December

1. Do you celebrate Christmas?
HECK YEAH! Like the Dickens.

2. Have you ever been kissed under mistletoe?
You know, I’m sure I have but can’t remember.

3. What do you want this year for Christmas?
I’m still not over the whole thankful part from November.

4. What’s the best present you ever got for Christmas?
Oh man… When I was very little my mom played it off like
she was going to sneak me out to see Santa after he came
down from the chimney. Since we were peeking around the
corner, I couldn’t tell it was Dad dressed up… Brilliant!
Believed in old Saint Nick until I was like sixteen.
Even fought with kids at school over it.

5. Do you like cold weather?
I like having an excuse to layer clothing & accessorize.

Having a dojo with such an exalted reputation in our back yard was nice, and we were fortunate to train there in its final years. It was a shame to see a place with so much history fade away, but such is life. These days my husband studies elsewhere, and I no longer train in martial arts at all… In retrospect, it was never my cup of tea.

Strange how often you can’t predict how you’ll respond to a situation until you’re in it. Kenpo teaches your body to respond effectively, but nothing could have prepared me for how I was going to react to karate. As it turns out, it’s too painful to submit yourself to even a mock beating when you have far too many memories of the real thing.

Admitting this for the first time just now doesn’t make me feel any better, either. More like I need to do something about it… Which sucks.

At one point, I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my career, but I never shared the details with anybody. Least of all my family, who would completely freak out once they stopped laughing. After all, my father’s sole interest in me from day one involved making sure I would not remain a financial burdern to him.

So I judged myself and ruled that my desires were lacking… That this ambition was frivolous, and that pursuing it would be admitting to something my mother accused me of so often: Sitting on my brains. Psycho to English translation: I’ve been blessed with an extra measure of intelligence, and should therefore use it to its full potential.

Maybe they’re right, I thought. After all, I had to make a living and survive in this big, scary, adult world. Money doesn’t grow on trees, and fun jobs don’t pay much… Right? Where was Joseph Campbell when I needed him? Wonder where I’d be today if I had followed my bliss instead of those transplanted fears.

The good news is that I didn’t stray far. Although at one point I was an Accounting major (right on track for a future in alcoholism and suicide) eventually I couldn’t resist the allure of something better aligned with my natural aptitudes, and with some luck a career developed.

I’m a lot closer to my dreams than I deserve to be…
But it will take one more leap to get there — Yikes!

As a marketing girl, I understand well the concept of having a demographic… A segment of the population which finds your product particularly appealing. Looking back, I realize that my market was always rich girls. I can’t figure out why they frequently adopted me, but I never gave it much thought.

What’s odd is that I was extremely underpriviliged as a youth, and though we should have nothing in common, Gifted & Talented courses brought me into the circle of our local elite. As a result, I grew up surrounded by wealth – but never touching it. While my friends went skiing, I stayed home. When they showed up in the latest fashions, I was wearing items from the rummage sale at church.

In my lifetime, I’ve gone many rounds as the debutantes’ sidekick, but I never tried to figure out why before. Maybe it’s my witty, evil sense of humor, or a keen, discerning eye. Maybe it’s my ability to snap into something more decorous when the occasion calls for it. Maybe it’s just because I know fifty cent words like decorous… Who knows!

All I know is the effect it had on me. To this day, I’ve never wanted to be a rich girl. Sure, I like pretty things as much as the next label whore, but it was curative to peer over the fence and witness firsthand the misery behind the gilt. I was to learn early about the truth in what the late Notorious BIG would tell us: “Mo’ money, mo’ problems.”