Posts filed under 'Time Travel'
My first love was the one and only boy who never grew up — Peter Pan. I’m not ashamed to say it, either.
When as a child I read of his exploits, imagining that wry smile, I melted. Even the horribly unattractive Disney portrayal didn’t change my mind.
Even today I can hardly imagine a better choice. Take a closer look at his unique qualifications:
- He can fly, which makes for a fantastic first date.
- Excellent sense of humor, even under pressure.
- Hangs with fairies, pirates, mermaids & Indians.
- Admirable leadership skills, and lots of moxie.
- That blend of bad-boy mischief girls adore.
- He really knows how to wield his sword.
In the category of “be careful what you wish for” I actually ended up marrying Peter Pan’s equivalent, as found outside of Neverland…
Here we call boys who never grow up “Engineers.”
So, who was your first love?
October 12th, 2005
This Week: Ten of the Stupidest Things I’ve Ever Said
10. There is no way they will re-elect Bill Clinton after all that.
9. Regarding pit toilets: I don’t poo on other people’s poo.
8. I’d like you to meet my long lost brosister Marcie.
7. I like karate, I just don’t like hitting people.
6. They always chomp the hotties first.
5. All this meat won’t fit in my box.
4. Holy shit, look… It’s a Hobbit!
3. If I get killed I’m gonna die.
2. I just drooled an update.
1. Where is the wall?
September 27th, 2005
Teeth sure are important, aren’t they? You don’t think about them much until there’s a problem, and then chances are you can’t get them off your mind until they’re fixed. And I should know… I’ve got the financial equivalent of a Honda Civic in my mouth.
My baby teeth were perfect, but we knew my second set wouldn’t be. During pregnancy, they gave my mom a drug to reduce her morning sickness. It was later pulled for causing birth defects, like babies born without limbs. Compared to that, I lucked out by missing only one and a half upper lateral secondary teeth.
Here I am today with a fairly perfect set of choppers, and nobody really knows the ordeal I went through. It began with numerous extractions because my adult teeth weren’t coming in on their own. Then six years of braces, with nothing but closed-mouthed smiles on record.
After that came bonding, which was a newer technology at the time. Later I got caps, but the old kind with metal underneath the porcelain. Those didn’t agree with my delicate system, so two years ago I had to do it all over again, and upgrade to lovely Empress ceramics.
Nobody who sees this smile knows what’s behind it. I could take you on a tour of dentists offices and show you the claw marks I dug into the armrests when the novocaine wore off. Months of my life were spent laying back in a dental chair with tears quietly streaming into my hair.
Though I never would have said so at the time… It was worth it.
September 24th, 2005
It’s been over a decade since I left home and moved out on my own, and it took me until just today to have a flashback of my old bedroom. Honestly, I’d all but forgotten what it even looked like. But tonight one of the kids told a story that jogged my memory, and a couple hours later the image of those old yellow walls came flooding back.
To this day orange and yellow are my least favorite colors. They would be for you too, if you’d grown up in a room with shag carpeting in those colors. Oh, and how could I ever forget the Sesame Street bedspread and coordinating curtains? Good job making me use them until I was sixteen and got a job to pay for new stuff, Mom.
I remember having to de-preschool my bedroom before having friends over. Eventually I opted for an Esprit / Duran Duran hybrid theme. Teen fashion and 80s pop… What a combo. By the time I was fourteen I had every visible inch of wall plastered with catalog and magazine pages. Does anybody else remember those huge Esprit catalogs?
As for Duran Duran, I hate to admit John Taylor was my favorite. Today I have only two words for him: brow lift. What was I thinking? I suppose there’s no explanation for the behavior of teen girls. But hell, something had to cover the framed Precious Moments posters on the wall!
So I’m curious, what was your old bedroom like?
June 20th, 2005
This Week: 10 Stupid Things You Did as a Kid
The only challenge here is going to be coming up with only ten stupid things I did as a kid. Believe me, there’s no shortage of material and therefore no need to repeat any of the stories I’ve already written. Don’t laugh too hard, it’ll hurt my feelings…
1. Nearly blinded myself. It was an enticing little bush with what I thought were pretty little red berries, which I proceeded to pick. Turns out they were scorching hot chilis… Found out when I rubbed my eye.
2. Dislocated a jaw. How was I supposed to know that when you unwind from a crouching position and deliver a Mortal Kombat style uppercut it’s at least ten times more effective than a straight punch. That stepbrother of mine totally deserved it.
3. Glued Snoopy to the wall. I was just so darn sick of those boring bologna and cheese sandwiches, so my gigantic stuffed Snoopy agreed to hide them behind his back. A week later mom was very upset.
4. Created a new sister. One hot Summer afternoon we were so bored that my brother agreed to let me dress him up… as a girl. I was so confident in my skills as a makeover artist that I tried to convince the kids on our block he was my long lost sister.
5. Appreciated Art. Art is Fine. That’s what I painted on the back of our playhouse. No, I wasn’t referring to Fine Arts, but my latest crush.
6. Opened a restaurant. Another fun play on words, I opened Le Bon Cafe in our back yard. Sure “bon” means good, but “Le Bon” means Duran Duran. The neighboorhood fat kid gave it five stars.
7. Freaked over fish. Auntie took me on a cruise and on the night it was our turn at the Captain’s table they served a salad with sliced anchovy garnish… I couldn’t stop screaming under the table.
8. Held it for three days. Dad took us camping on a long weekend and my stepbrother told me there were snakes in the pit toilets. I held it until I turned green and Dad had to take me down the mountain.
9. Got the sniffles. For some reason I used to get things stuck in my nostrils a lot as a kid, mostly stray beads. I’m sure the ER techs are surprised I didn’t end up a coke addict… it’s Diet Coke.
10. Experienced a TKO. In an effort to provide entertainment one night, my three-year-old younger brother and I staged a mock fight. Although I was twice his age, he hit me just right in the stomach, knocking the wind out of me, and I was down for the count.
So tell me… What did you do?
April 26th, 2005
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